You’re The Worst Recap: S3E1 “Try Real Hard”

Our recap of the Season 3 premiere of You’re The Worst focuses on the question of what love is, and if it isn’t just a promise to “Try Real Hard.”

More from TV

• Marvel’s Spidey and his Amazing Friends gets Season 3 premiere date
• Sister Wives makes the 2023 Fandoms of the Year List
• The Buccaneers Thrives With Conversations In Quiet Settings
• Lessons In Chemistry Starts Strong But Never Hits Its Boiling Point
• Lego Masters Roller Coaster Madness brings all the thrills, exclusive clip

Ever since the final moment of You’re The Worst’s second season, in which recovering commitment-phobic nightmare train-wrecks Jimmy and Gretchen mutually agree that they love each other, I have been anxiously and increasingly anticipating the premiere of season three. At every turn during the interval, news from the production team has left me thoroughly delighted.  Samira Wiley, an Orange is the New Black favorite, as Gretchen’s therapist?  YES.  The 1950s-style instructional video contrasting traditional “domestic bliss” with Gretchen and Jimmy’s relationship?  Excellent.  Jimmy accidentally dropping his phone on Gretchen’s sleeping head in the trailer?  Happened to me before.

But the darkness of the comedy cannot be glossed over. We leave the second season with Edgar trying to work through his PTSD, Lindsay pregnant and diving headfirst back into her terrible, unsatisfying marriage, Gretchen learning how to cope with her depression, and Jimmy learning how to cope with Gretchen coping with her depression. So when Jimmy and Gretchen tell each other they love each other, I have immediate questions and concerns. Mostly, what does that mean? What does being in love mean for these two messy, hilarious, damaged, glorious people?

Fortunately, we don’t have to wait long to delve into that question.

You’re The Worst cast — CR: Autumn De Wilde/FX

Gretchen and Jimmy

Season 3 picks up just a short time after that moment of confession, with a hilarious sexual encounter in which neither Gretchen nor Jimmy appear to understand the concept of simultaneous orgasm. After some fun morning banter over the fact that Gretchen apparently doesn’t wash her legs (“The water falls on them!”), Gretchen casually tells Jimmy she loves him. And he totally freaks out. She reminds him that they’ve said it before, and he reveals that he was blackout drunk and doesn’t remember a thing. Also, he doesn’t believe in love.

And as much as she tries to hide it, that hurts Gretchen. She spends an afternoon trying to get Jimmy drunk so that he’ll say it, to no avail. Over a discussion with the rap group she represents, Sam, the frontman, breaks it down for her:  guys say they love you with actions, not with words. He also encourages her to love herself, exclaiming, “Be the CEO of your own life, Gretch!”  Words of wisdom for everyone on this show, really.

“If ‘I love you’ is a promise, it’s just a promise to, like, try real hard.”

– Gretchen

Meanwhile, Jimmy spends most of the episode asking Gretchen questions about herself.  When she asks why, he explains:  if he doesn’t know her leg-washing habits, what else doesn’t he know about her? In his elitist, fake-philosopher way, he sums it up by saying, “The unknowable is terrifying, Gretchen.” And that is the crux of Jimmy’s refusal to say he loves her. He learns that Gretchen speaks Spanish, went to Bible camp, and once excelled at “horsery,” but what he doesn’t know is whether they will ultimately work out as a couple. And when Gretchen confronts him about it, he admits that he’s not ready to make the promise that the words entail. How can he say he loves her if he might, one day, leave her?

Gretchen realizes that Jimmy is showing her he loves her with his actions, like Sam said, by asking about her. And once she comes to see that the feelings really are there for him, she explains her definition of love. “If ‘I love you’ is a promise, it’s just a promise to, like, try real hard.” She specifies that they could fail. Either of them could decide to bail on the relationship at any given moment.  But if they’re ready to do the work, they’re ready to say the words. And he does, almost immediately. Jimmy takes immense comfort in the knowledge that he’s not trapped, which speaks to his characteristic immaturity. But if the trade-off is putting in the work, he knows he can do it. He already has. He’s seen Gretchen at the depths of her depression and he has made the decision to stay. And his saying “I love you” to her, understanding that he’s agreeing to try real hard, shows that he plans to do it again. Now, that’s some character growth if I’ve ever seen it.

Edgar and Dorothy

You’re The Worst – Edgar and Dorothy (FX)

If love for Gretchen and Jimmy is ‘trying real hard,’ love for Edgar and Dorothy is about sacrifice. We see this at the very first glimpse of their storyline, in which Edgar has been giving Dorothy oral sex for half an hour. Later, we learn that he’s having trouble getting an erection due to side effects of his PTSD medication. Determined to fix the issue, Edgar tries role play, but incorporating Dorothy’s improv skills makes it weird for both of them. He eventually admits to Dorothy that his medication is causing the problem, so she suggests “another pill” to help him with his erectile dysfunction. He lashes out verbally, for a split second, at the thought of even more medication, and though he apologizes, both are clearly shaken by the disruption in his normally gentle demeanor.

Edgar and Dorothy do nothing but trade sacrifices for each other in this episode: Dorothy relieving Edgar’s guilt about not moving in with her, Edgar pleasing Dorothy sexually. Following that pattern, Dorothy tells Edgar that there are other ways to be intimate, and she is all in for their relationship, regardless of any limitations. His health comes first. And, at the end of the episode, he responds in kind, by secretly flushing his PTSD medication. Nooo, Edgar!  But as Paul says, “The definition of love is putting someone else’s needs above your own.”

Lindsay and Paul

Speaking of Paul, let’s check in with the old married couple, shall we? Lindsay and Paul are back together, and their unborn child is the elephant in the uterus. Paul begins the episode by expressing regret that he put distance between him and Lindsay. He’s planned a special night to show her what the next phase of their life will be, but when hard-drinking, hard-partying Lindsay opens his surprise gift, she finds a box of ingredients from a home-cooking-made-easy service. She is clear about her disappointment, telling him she thought he was taking her out, but Paul insists that those days are over for her. They are a family now, and this is their future.

You’re The Worst cast (Photo by Maarten de Boer/Getty Images)

I think we can all agree that Lindsay is extraordinarily selfish. But the thing is, so is Paul. For someone who claims that love means putting your partner’s needs first, he pretty consistently expects Lindsay to conform to his ideal relationship. So he either doesn’t understand what Lindsay’s needs are, or he just dismisses them as inferior to his own noble, traditional goals. Lindsay’s frustration is completely warranted. Her actions, however…

There’s no getting around it. Lindsay stabs Paul. With a knife. Not in a life-threatening way, but in a definite, real, blood-drawing kind of way. Because, let’s face it: for a show called “You’re The Worst”, everyone was being a little too nice this episode. And it’s that specific combination of real, humanistic interaction and random, absurd behavior that makes the show truly exceptional. If every episode is both this real and this crazy, it’ll be an amazing season for all of us.

Next: Ad Free Plan for CBS All Access, Home of Star Trek: Discovery

You’re The Worst airs Wednesdays on FX.