Twin Piques: A Millennial’s Journey Through Twin Peaks (Part 4)
By Maya Gold
Part four of the journey into David Lynch’s Twin Peaks. It’s the season finale?!
Welcome to the fourth round of Twin Piques! If you’re just tuning in: I’m a would-be television buff millennial who’s filling a gap in my media education by watching Twin Peaks for the first time.
If you’d like to catch up, here’s what we’ve covered so far:
Twin Peaks, Episode 7. Or: “I read the Scarlet Letter in high school, just like you did.”
There’s this hopeful moment where the first shot is a moon and I am optimistic that we’ll just skip right over the whole Audrey-in-Agent-Cooper’s-bed thing and move on with our lives.
But nope, I am reminded once again that David Lynch is a cruel god.
Aww, Cooper: “You’re a high school girl. I’m an agent of the FBI.
Eww, Cooper! “What I want and what I need are two different things.”
Uhh, Cooper? “But what you need right now, more than anything else, is a friend.”
Disagree. Hard disagree. I would say what she needs right now, more than anything else, is clothes. Definitely to not be underage, but I would settle for clothes.
He gives her a handkerchief instead, and tells her that they’re going to stay and talk through all her secrets? Still weird, dude.
Audrey, never missing a moment to be coy, informs him that this may take all night. “The night is young,” Cooper replies. AS YOUNG AS AUDREY, COOPER?
But nope, I am reminded once again that David Lynch is a cruel god.
Meanwhile, back at the police station, Lucy is still being super cold to Overly Empathetic Policeman. She tells him it’s “peak activity time at the station switchboard” and yet there is still no mention of puns. I despair of humanity.
The phone rings, and it’s a doctor–clearly a personal call. Is she pregnant? Ohh, that’s a she’s pregnant face, isn’t it.
Cooper walks in tooting his flute. Lucy was out sick yesterday! She’s definitely pregnant, y’all.
The police + doc deduce that Waldo the myna bird needs to be nursed to health to hear what he mimics from his time in the cabin. The bird is a plot point in the making, is really what I’m getting out of this. Forensics confirm that Laura, Ronette, and Leo were all at the cabin. There’s also a picture of the bird–who, according to Cooper, is on Laura’s shoulder.
Cooper doesn’t like birds. I feel ya, buddy.
Forensics confirm that Laura, Ronette, and Leo were all at the cabin. There’s also a picture of the bird–who, according to Cooper, is on Laura’s shoulder.
Forensics confirm that Laura, Ronette, and Leo were all at the cabin. There’s also a picture of the bird–who, according to Cooper, is on Laura’s shoulder. Cooper leaves a voice-activated recorder near Waldo to ensure that anything he says will be picked up. They have better things to do, like infiltrate One Eyed Jack’s with the help of the Latchkey Kids! Er. Book House Boys!
Cooper doesn’t like birds. I feel ya, buddy.
Awwww man, this episode is so disappointing–Leo is still alive! And also listening to a police scanner and watching Bobby walk into his stupid house. I told you to stop going to that house, Bobby!
It looks like Shelly just winged him. He’s bleeding from one arm but still has the other to point a damn sniper-looking rifle at Bobby as he heads inside.
Shelly is, understandably, upset. She confesses to Bobby that she shot Leo, and sobs that he’s going to come back and kill her. Bobby has a new habit of talking about himself in the third person? I’m not a fan.
Leo is distracted by his police scanner, which is announcing that the police have Waldo–not exactly great police protocol, y’all. He drives off.
Meanwhile, Audrey is selling perfume. Shocking no one, she’s not great at it. She snoops into her boss’ office and hides in his closet; he brings in the other girl from the perfume counter and gives her a friggin unicorn? Really?
Audrey keeps smoking in the closet and literally blows smoke through the slats of the closet. This is not a good strategy, Audrey, they call it a smoking gun for a damn reason.
They have better things to do, like infiltrate One Eyed Jack’s with the help of the Latchkey Kids! Er. Book House Boys!
Jenny, the other perfume girl, had a “great time at the club last night.” The boss says she can come back as a hostess, a cocktail waitress, or a ~*~hospitality girl~*~.
Jenny does not know what that means. We know what that means.
Oh, I’m sorry, who’s this GQ gentleman:
[Image via CBS/Showtime]President Sheriff basically has hearts in his eyes, y’all:
[Image via CBS/Showtime]They’re going undercover as oral surgeons? Cooper, you nerd.
They leave to go put disguises on, narrowly missing Audrey, who is leaving frantic messages for Cooper.
Meanwhile, the doughnuts are ominous today.
[Image via CBS/Showtime]The bird starts saying Laura and it’s hella creepy.
Okay, Leo shot the bird.
HE SHOT THE BIRD THIS IS INCONCEIVABLE.
To add insult to injury, he got bird-blood on the doughnuts.
Meanwhile, the doughnuts are ominous today.
Cooper rewinds the tape, playing back Waldo’s last squawks. It remains hella creepy. Actually, scratch that, it ups the creep ante–“Hurting me…stop it…Leo, no.”
Welp, that seems like some evidence. The troops take off to One Eyed Jack’s. Cooper apparently read too many Superman comics as a kid, because glasses do not a disguise make.
They meet a woman named Blackie. Ed is lecherous. Cooper is impressed.
[Image via CBS/Showtime]Cooper. Buddy. Talking into your wrist where you’ve taped a mic is not exactly subtle.
Back at the lodge, Daddy Warbucks appears to be eating out of a pint of ice cream while dancing, which is now on my bucket list.
[Image via CBS/Showtime]The Icelanders want to finalize the deal at…One Eyed Jack’s! Even though this was originally Daddy Warbucks’ Master Plan, he seems peeved that Brother Warbucks has suggsted it.
Daddy Warbucks calls Josie, who’s with…Manslaughter McDiner?! Everything is apparently set for tonight.
Audrey shows up at One Eyed Jack’s and talks to Blackie. She goes by Hester Prynne…which, if I correctly recall, is the name of the main character in the Scarlet Letter. Not super creative there, Auds.
Aww hell yeah, Blackie calls it! “I read the Scarlet Letter in high school, just like you did.”
Blackie asks why she shouldn’t kick her out for faking her way in. Audrey ties a cherry stem with her mouth. This is apparently compelling.
Other important bits of Episode 7:
- Donna, James, and Maddie hatch a plan to get Laura’s last tape from Dr. Jacoby.
- Nadine sulks on the couch because she was summarily dismissed by her patent attorney.
- President Sheriff asks Josie about staking out the motel. She tries to kiss her way out of it, is not successful. She tells him she did it for proof and that she heard Catherine threatening to burn down the mill.
- A lawyer shows up to confirm Catherine signed a life insurance policy…which she didn’t know existed! It lists…Josie as the main beneficiary! The signatures…were collected by Daddy Warbucks! I feel bad for Catherine, which is unexpected.
- Catherine also realizes that the ledger that shows the mill is failing has been stolen.
- The master plan Donna and James have hatched? Dressing Maddie up like Laura to get Dr. Jacoby out of his office. This kind of works–Dr. Jacoby goes to the gazebo where Maddie is instead of the intersection they tell them to go to. Meanwhile, Bobby plants some coke in James’ fuel tank. I originally think this is dirt and spend the next episode waiting for his motorcycle to explode.