One afternoon on my way to get food, I awkwardly stalled at my least favorite left turn where I always wait forever for the green arrow.
I looked to my left and saw my ex-boyfriend. I texted him to which I got a friendly response. Distracted to the point of going the wrong direction, I pulled over. No longer hungry, I sat in my car at what used to be a Burger King until I was ready to drive again.
When I was younger I looked at my ex-boyfriends after a breakup to the point of becoming literally sick to my stomach and starved from anxiety. Now that I’m older, I know better. So during this last breakup, I blocked my ex on everything, even Spotify.
Then one night I came home from a Super Bowl party and lost my willpower not to look. I cried all night over a picture of him and a woman who appeared to be his new girlfriend. I didn’t shut up about the picture for the next two weeks, obsessing over our polite text conversation from the interaction at the stoplight as well.
Then I realized something after my two week meltdown: I did this to myself just like I always had. All he did was appear at the stoplight for a whole minute and I’m the one who lost it. There's no need to hurt my own feelings by looking at him online. Now I’d have to ride the ups and downs of the breakup all over. At least this time I would be ready if I saw him in public. It’s just like the awkward left turn at the light: I can’t avoid it entirely, but I can at least make it a little better.