What modern day dating has taught me about finding “the one”

How does modern-day thinking affect love and relationships? Does dating nowadays really stink or is the “perfect” guy becoming non-existent?

“If you think you can live with their flaws, even if they drive you crazy, you’ve found ‘the one’.”

My mom jokingly said this to me when I asked her what the secret was to spending 35 years married to my dad. I suspected that even though she said this with a teasing look in her eye, there was still some truth to it. She has always given me advice on relationships for as long as I can remember. Everything else I learned about dating and love came from movies, TV shows, and my friends.

So what is dating like nowadays? Let’s be honest. It kind of sucks. Putting aside romantic comedies (as they simply depict the ideal) what’s left is a vat of dating apps, ghosting, miscommunication, and the importance of “defining the relationship” (or DTR as the youngsters say). We’ve gone from significant others outright saying “I want to court you,” to “Let’s chill/hang out somewhere.” Now, I’m not saying that this technique is completely useless. However, as someone who has grown up wanting a clear and concise “I want to date you” from a guy, a confusing line like that isn’t for me.

I tried to adapt to the ever-changing dating world by using dating apps. Three years ago, I began to “hang out” with a guy (we’ll call him Mark) off and on during my time studying abroad in college. With Mark, things felt very natural and easy. Our conversations flowed well, and there was a lot of witty banter between us. After about a month, it got to the point where I was confused as to whether or not we were dating. I remember asking him why he downloaded Tinder in the first place and he just shrugged and mentioned that he got it to “meet people and make friends.” This information stung a little because, to me, that was his way of saying “I’m not taking this as seriously as you’ve been.”

It wasn’t until years later, after I graduated from college, that I met up with someone else from a dating app. Let’s call this guy John. I’d decided that Coffee Meets Bagel was a safer bet for me, seeing as how Tinder was for more casual interactions. Unlike Mark, John and I didn’t have a lot of chemistry. Initially, I suppose I was merely blinded by the fact that someone was interested in me and failed to recognize that red flags that he gave off. He never messaged me in between dates and after a couple weeks, he never contacted me again.

Dating apps aren’t the only way to go, of course, but they seem to be a more convenient and faster way to meet someone rather than at school, work, or through a friend. They allow us a bit of power to rule out potential matches that we would have otherwise dreaded rejecting in person. At the same time, they show matches that we want to meet mostly based on levels of attraction.

Just when I begin to feel discouraged, someone I know will tell me a story about their significant other that encourages me to believe in the notion that chivalry isn’t dead as many would suspect.

We’ve all heard the phrase “there are plenty of fish in the sea.”

While it may be slightly over-used for some, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still true.

To my fellow single folks out there, I hope you find the person that’s right for you. It’s an exciting feeling when after a long time of searching, the end result is entirely worth it.