Game of Thrones, Sansa Stark, and how we talk about trauma

“The Last of the Starks” polarized fans with its depiction of several female characters, especially Sansa Stark.

In the wake of Game of Thrones‘ episode “The Last of the Starks,” many viewers expressed significant frustration about the way the season 8 installment depicted several of its female characters. Missandei’s death, Daenerys’ behavior and Brienne’s emotional breakdown all drew criticism from fans, but it was a scene between Sansa Stark and Sandor Clegane that seemed to ultimately spark many of the loudest complaints.

During their brief scene together – the pair’s first interaction since both left King’s Landing several seasons ago – the Hound brings up the many difficulties Sansa has faced since then, including her brutal sexual assault at the hands of Ramsay Bolton. Many fans called Sansa’s response to his comments problematic, claiming that she not only positively credited her suffering as the reason for her current personal success, but went so far as to express gratitude toward the very men who abused her for doing so.

"“Without Littlefinger and Ramsay and all the rest, I’d have stayed a little bird all my life.”"

While this is an understandable reaction to an admittedly poorly written moment, this conversation is almost certainly intended to be more complicated than Sansa simply declaring that, hey, sexual assault is good now.

For what it’s worth, I’m a Sansa Stark apologist, so feel free to take my argument with a grain of salt. But her story arc over the past seven seasons leading up to this moment stands in direct contrast to that interpretation, in both big moments and in small ones.

Sansa knows how much she’s had to live through to get where she is. She’s justifiably proud of how far she’s come. It’s just something of a mystery as to why Game of Thrones doesn’t always seem to realize that.

Because if she is anything, Sansa Stark is a survivor, in absolutely every sense of the word. She understands better than anyone that the simple act of making it through another day can be a test of strength and will. Sansa is no longer the naive girl who left for King’s Landing believing in fairytales and tests of chivalry so long ago. She’s become something else, and yes, part of the reason for that is that she had to live through legitimate horrors.

Sansa has been shaped and sharpened by what has happened to her. She suffered terrible things long before she was sexually violated. Her direwolf was killed and her father was murdered in front of her. She was held hostage, repeatedly threatened with death, and physically and emotionally abused by the same monstrous boy who was once her perfect ideal of love.

(L to R) Sophie Turner as Sansa Stark and Maisie Williams as Arya Stark – Photo: Helen Sloan/HBO. Game of Thrones S8E3.

Sansa is now a woman who is determined to control her own future and make her own choices, and that’s in direct response to the fact that she spent so much of her life without the ability to decide anything for herself, or even react to threats around her. Like so many of us, Sansa is the cumulative result of her best and worst experiences, and the fact that she survived so many wrongs can’t help but impact the person she became in their wake.

Visual evidence of this shift can be see in her slowly evolving wardrobe, which gradually encases her body in increasing layers of fabric and decorative weaponry and visually reflects her need to be the person in charge of her own destiny.

(Reminder: Sansa makes her own clothes. None of her aesthetic choices are accidental.)

Had Sansa gone with the Hound, her life may indeed have been very different. Or perhaps her eventual rapist would have just ended up wearing a different face; it’s impossible to know. But she still would have been putting her future in the hands of another man, and that certainly seems like something Sansa no longer views as any sort of chance at salvation. She’s made peace with her choices, and recognizes that she’s grown by persevering through tragedy.

But for some reason, that’s not the meaning that the scene conveyed to a significant chunk of viewers. Why?

Fans obviously have every right to be furious at the hamfistedness of this entire conversation. It’s practically impossible to believe that Game of Thrones would purposefully use Sansa – the character on the show who has arguably suffered the most – as a mouthpiece for what is essentially rape apology.

But it’s also not exactly like showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have earned the benefit of the doubt on the issue of female character development, particularly as it pertains to the Lady of Winterfell, whose season 5 storyline is pretty much professional fanfiction. (Sansa’s rape is a complete departure from George R.R. Martin’s books, and the show made an explicit choice to incorporate segments of a secondary character’s storyline into hers.)

Rory McCann as Sandor “The Hound” Clegane and Sophie Turner as Sansa Stark. Photo: Helen Sloan/HBO

Despite the presence of many strong and dynamic women on its canvas, Game of Thrones hasn’t always treated them well.

Sometimes, it can feel as though the show is more interested in the idea of having so-called “strong female characters” in its stories than it is in presenting their lived experiences honestly. (Or at least, in any great detail.) Sansa’s hardly the only character on the canvas that has experienced trauma, nor is she the only one whose inner life remains something of a mystery this season. (Looking at you, Daenerys Targaryen.)

Part of this lack of nuance is due to the fact that the Game of Thrones production team is largely staffed by men.

Only seven episodes of the show have involved a female writer, and just one woman has directed an installment. (For comparative scale: There are over 70 episodes of this show.) A female writer, here, for example, might have shaded Sansa’s response differently, or added a bit more context or meaning to her statement…. maybe given her more than just a sentence to express the complexity of all that she’s been through.

Instead, a moment that is likely meant to serve as Sansa’s acknowledgement of all that she’s survived is unnecessarily messy and diminutive, rather than an overt declaration of strength.

And Sansa, and Game of Thrones fans, deserve better than that.

Game of Thrones continues next Sunday at 9 p.m. ET on HBO.