We get no real closure in a disappointing Riverdale finale

Riverdale — “Chapter Thirty-Five: Brave New World” — Image Number: RVD222b_0066.jpg — Pictured (L-R): KJ Apa as Archie, Luke Perry as Fred and Robin Givens as Sierra McCoy — Photo: Dean Buscher/The CW — © 2018 The CW Network, LLC. All rights reserved.

Hermione is mayor and gives Fred the bedroom eyes

I won’t even address how bummed I am that Fred Andrews lost the mayoral race, or lament about all the missed opportunities his loss reveals. Now that Hermione is mayor, she seems to have undergone the same invisible shortcut to awakening Archie has.

All of a sudden, she’s back to season one Hermione, conspiring against her husband that she was defending last episode. It’s narrative whiplash, complicated by her and Fred’s romantic chemistry.

I’m not fooled by her show of sportsmanship after Fred’s loss. They exchanged a longing glance in the gym before the results, and that handshake lingered a little too long to be a platonic show of good faith. This is just another case of the writers skipping the middle, to get to an end that will open doors for season three.

When did these feelings rekindle? Does Hermione have some switch she flips, so when she’s mad at Hiram she’s hot for Fred? Slow down, Riverdale. Let us enjoy these moments.

Veronica opens a speakeasy

I really just can’t with this. Are we really supposed to believe that this girl, not even 18 years old, can own a nightclub and get a liquor license? Sheesh.

Even with the help of Attorney Sierra McCoy, there is no way in hell this is believable. I’m all for suspending my disbelief when the story makes it worth it, but what kind of Gossip Girl crap is this show trying to pull? And in its season finale, no less?

Polly recruits Alice to her cult

This is television gold right here, folks. This could have been big, but it’s shoehorned in as an afterthought. What’s the point of making Madchen Amick mope around in her robe and no makeup for an entire episode if you’re only going to tack on the possibility of a cult in the final moments? It’s a real waste of talent if you ask me.

Kevin And Moose kiss

Riverdale has been laying the foundation for this kiss all season long. It’s fitting that Kevin and Moose finally have their big kiss while Moose is mourning Midge because it seems like she was the only thing standing in their way. Why make us wait until next season to see this thing come about?

We’ve put in the time and shipping hours, give us what we want in the finale. It’s only fair. Especially since the writers have been giving Kevin, Moose, and Josie less and less to do in the last third of the season. Now is the time to give us what we want: more Kevin!!!

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This may be all for season 2, but I’m definitely not done thinking about it. Stay tuned for more Riverdale follow-ups until the (much anticipated) season three premiere in the fall.