5 ways Riverdale continues to fail up in season 2 episode 11

Riverdale gets woke while Archie continues to find things he’s terrible at. It’s hard times in the town with pep.

Hold on. I’ll get to my Riverdale reaction as soon as I can make my head stop shaking and my eyes quit rolling.

What on earth is going on over there in the town with pep? I am so sorry I ever complained about a serial killer. Had I known I’d get this limp-wristed attempt to promote some sort of political message, I would have been perfectly happy with a half dozen more Black Hood episodes.

Of course I’m going to disclaim my rant with the promise of devotion and loyalty to this show. I love it, even when I’m totally exasperated by it. But, come on, Riverdale. What are you even about these days. Here’s every time I was forced to shake my head and roll my eyes at this episode, “Chapter Twenty-Four: The Wrestler.”

That lecture about whitewashing and land-appropriation

Don’t get me wrong. This could have been so good. The fact that this smart, beautiful show used a Native American-based storyline to fuel Jughead (a white character, at that) and his emotional turmoil is shameful. They wasted an amazing opportunity to say something important to a lot of listening ears. They failed.

For one, Jughead completely shoplifts Grandpa Topaz’s story of the atrocities that led to the founding of the Serpents, and uses it as some sort of prop. At least they give Toni the nerve to call him out on it, but what even comes of it? That anemic protest they staged at Pickens Day did not go far enough to do this storyline justice. We didn’t even see how it ended, for goodness’ sakes. And yes, Jughead did have the nerve to apologize to Toni’s grandfather in person, but the camera panned to Jughead’s face so we can experience his reaction to the story. Gross.

Someone might need to file a report on Hiram Lodge

When did Veronica’s dad become so aggressively unhinged? Sure, we’ve know all along that he’s a shady businessman, a controlling husband and a weirdly invested father, but this stuff with Archie is downright strange. I’m all for a scene with men rolling around in leotards, but when a middle-aged man takes down a high schooler in the name of wrestling practice, I have to draw the line.

As much as I would have loved to see Hiram “the Ram” Lodge in his wrestling costume, I just can’t condone this kind of behavior. Does no one else see the problem with someone completely unaffiliated with the school or team lurking around practice, and then volunteering to mix it up with the boys in the ring? It’s definitely not just me, right?

Archie exists in a parallel universe

Sigh… Archie is the human equivalent of saying “oh, sweetie, you’re going to be okay.” He just tries so hard at being Mr. Teen Captain Normal that his earnestness makes him stick out like a sore thumb. Maybe that’s why all his scenes with Hiram were are so cringe-inducing. Watching his sweet, little, paper-flower face bear the white-hot intensity of Hiram’s scowl and bluster is hard to manage. Are these two actors on the same show?

No matter how much Hiram grinds Archie down, he still maintains his optimism and “aw-shucks” approach to life. Even when he’s interacting with the (definitely real) FBI agent, he makes sure to be the boy wonder. When everyone around him is sagging under the weight of cynicism and jaded dread, Archie continues to bebop his way through life. It’s weird.

Hall Cooper pitches an inexplicable fit, Alice doesn’t explode

Everyone has to concur that Hal Cooper is a bratty baby who needs a solid timeout. Agreed? His tantrum count is climbing anytime Chic is in the room, and Alice isn’t going far enough to make him put a sock in it.

Riverdale — “Chapter Twenty-Four: The Wrestler” — Image Number: RVD211b_0188.jpg — Pictured (L-R): Lili Reinhart as Betty and Hart Denton as Chic — Photo: Shane Harvey/The CW — © 2018 The CW Network, LLC. All rights reserved.

I mean … I can sort of, maybe, possibly, see why Hal is foaming at the mouth. Chic is obviously a creep, web-cam gigolo aside. The eyebrow/cheekbone combo is really upping his eerie quotient. How many side-eyes with a smile can one dude give his sister before their mother investigates?

However, Hal is being a real jerk. Let the boy eat his lavishly prepared, homemade breakfast before you make him feel like an imposition. I can’t decide if Hal coming so hard for Chic is supposed to reveal something about Chic or Alice. Hopefully it reveals that Alice isn’t all bark and no bite when it comes to being the leader of the Cooper house.

Everything that Veronica says or does

Give Camila Mendes something else to do besides play the (weirdly Electran) Girl Friday to her sweaty dad. Veronica shouldn’t be hobbling along on with this Lodge Industries storyline.  Archie obviously needs supervision, and she’s failing at her duties as chaperone.

This made-up beef between Josie and Veronica is pulling at straws, and a very lame excuse to get Veronica to sing. Go back to being invested in teen things, Ronnie, even if Riverdale teen things mean murder, drugs and blackmail.

Related Story: The Riverdale midseason premiere was wobbly: Here’s how they can course correct

Obviously, I’m going to continue to watch this show. It’s too good to give up now, but I’m placing it firmly on probation.

Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on The CW.