Twin Piques: A Millennial’s Journey Through Twin Peaks (Part 2)

3 of 3

(Image via CBS/Showtime)

Twin Peaks: Episode 4. Or: “I usually tell them I have a homicidally jealous husband who’s doing three-to-five for manslaughter.”

Y’all, this episode is literally called Rest in Pain. David Lynch, what are you doing to me. Also, I would like it to be known that I have faithfully played through the intro in its entirety each episode.

After another Awkward Encounter of the Audrey Kind wherein we learn that it was Audrey who tipped Cooper off to the brothel that Daddy and Brother Warbucks went to, President Sheriff and Lucy show up. They all sit down for breakfast.

Oh god, he’s talking about his dream. It is “a code waiting to be broken. Break the code, solve the crime.”

Lucy painstakingly writes this down. I am also writing this down. Solidarity, sister.

Cooper tells them that in the dream,  Laura leaned over and whispered the name of the killer in his ear. Who was it? He doesn’t remember.

“Damn,” says President Sheriff. “Damn,” says Lucy. This all appears to be a giant waste of time.

Suddenly, there’s word of a fight over in the morgue. There’s a sentence for you.

Meanwhile, back at the morgue, Albert and Daddy Warbucks are having at it. Albert wants to keep the body longer to do more tests; Daddy Warbucks, who is acting as the Palmers’ representative, wants the body for a proper funeral.

“I’ve got compassion running out of my nose, pal,” says Albert, who has more than his fair share of brilliant one-liners. “I’m the sultan of sentiment.”

Oh my word, he just called President Sheriff a hulking boob.

President Sheriff lets loose with the most obvious haymaker in the history of sucker punches, and Albert goes sprawling over Laura’s corpse–which, no one seems to object to?

Cooper orders Albert to give up the body and defends President Sheriff. Seriously, when are they getting married.

Oh my word, he just called President Sheriff a hulking boob.

(Image via CBS/Showtime)

Seriously, what is the name of this diner? T-Mar? RR Cafe? T-Mar RR Cafe?

Norma’s husband is getting out of jail, and some sort of probation officer is interrogating her at the diner about whether she’ll help him rehabilitate. Norma owns the diner–which, go Norma!–so she seems to have things in hand, though she is also decidedly unenthusiastic about the prospect of her husband getting out of jail.

Meanwhile, Cooper literally cannot handle ducks on a lake. It’s the little things.

Cooper and President Sheriff go to interrogate Leo. Surprise! He’s not great.

“Who the hell is he?” Real friendly, Leo.

Not a good look. (Image via CBS/Showtime)

Can I just…okay, I kind of understand the general point of overalls in that they protect your clothes, are easy to get on and off, and have many convenient pockets. But why would you only buckle one strap like an errant toddler?

Leo says he was on the road at the time of Laura’s death.

Bobby and the General have an incredibly awkward conversation where Bobby appears to upstage the General’s weird with some spontaneous yelling. I’m pretty sure Bobby yells more often than not.

His mom is wearing a smiley face pin to her son’s girlfriend’s funeral what is happening. 

(Image via CBS/Showtime)

Tape recorder interlude. Cooper’s looking into real estate? using his pension plan? Cooper, you beautiful idealistic boy, don’t take money from your retirement account to buy land! That’s like Personal Finance 101…oh wait, does this mean he wants to permanently move to Twin Peaks?

The funeral happens. It goes about as well as you could expect, which is to say not very.

The funeral happens. It goes about as well as you could expect, which is to say not very. Bobby, unsurprisingly, yells–“Everybody knew she was in trouble, but we didn’t do anything!”–James shows up and they try to attack each other. Meanwhile, Leland throws himself onto the coffin, breaking the machine designed to lower it. The coffin whirrs up and down as he sobs over it. It is straight-up ridiculous and also heartbreaking.

Cut to the diner, where Shelly–or maybe Norma? I’m going to be honest, they are both blonde and gorgeous and I can’t really tell them apart–is jeeringly re-creating Leland’s coffin episode while her patrons laugh. I am very offended by this.

It’s revealed that Ed is a non-deputy deputy who’s doing work for the sheriff as they try to uncover a drug ring.

“This is where pies go where they die,” says Cooper.

“This is where pies go where they die,” says Cooper.

Okay, President Sheriff is setting up this “we are a town with a deep dark secret” and all I can think is that we’re about to segue into The Lottery.

Instead, there’s a deep dark secret and they’ve always been there to fight it? There’s a secret I’m-crying-on-the-side-of-my-face signal?

(Image via CBS/Showtime)

Also, they’re called the Book House Boys. Y’all, this is some Nancy Drew madness.

They go to the Book House Boy clubhouse, where Biker James is revealed to also be a Book House Boy. They have a cordial conversation over some dude who is gagged in a chair. He’s revealed to be related to Renault, the bartender that a) has a drug connection and b) Ed thinks roofied him at the bar. Renault calls Leo, surprising no one, to report that his relative is in trouble.

Oh snap, y’all, Shelly has a gun! Get it, Shelly!

The episode ends with Leland dancing by himself on the swing floor. No one wants to dance with him, which I am once again offended by. Do the poor man a favor and let him spin you!

Next: Twin Piques: A Millennial’s Journey Through the Original David Lynch Classic

Other important bits of Episode 2:

  • Laura has a cousin named Madeline, who is vogue af and…appears.
  • Albert found coke in Laura’s diary and in her body. She had bite and claw marks on her, and Albert found something in her stomach with a J on it. So many Js.
  • Cooper refuses to sign a report confirming that President Sheriff assaulted Albert because he loves him. 
  • Nadine reveals that Ed and Norma dated in high school. She also calls herself a little brown mouse, which is sad.
  • Aubrey has peep holes at the Lodge because she is a grade-A creeper.
  • Katherine has her house bugged because she is a grade-A creeper. She hears Josie tell President Sheriff about the two ledgers–one of which Katherine has successfully stolen back.