Culturess Reacts to their Pottermore Assigned Patronus

Image via Pottermore

White Mare – Christina Roberts

Pottermore’s Patronus quiz gave me a white mare. But before I even got there, I discovered my login was no longer compatible and I needed to be re-sorted. But instead of the original Ravenclaw I got when the site first launched, this quiet Hufflepuff found herself sorted into Slytherin.

So. A white mare. Not just a horse—a mare. And white! Am I allowed to pretend it’s a unicorn who’s been de-horned? What about Lil Sebastian from Parks and Recreation? When he appears, he could have the accompanying music of “Five Thousand Candles in the Wind,” which would scare off any dementors.

No? I can’t think it’s anything other than a white mare? Well in that case, my mind jumps immediately to The Simpsons, as it always does, to the old man singing “The Old Grey Mare” on the street corner with his pants around his ankles. He gets a TV show out of it in the end!
A white mare isn’t too terrible, I suppose. It would make more sense if I had ever actually ridden a horse in my life. I mean, Harry’s was a stag, which was what his father turned into. Shouldn’t your Patronus actually mean something?

Next: 11 Banned Books by Women to Read Right Now

Well, I guess it’s better than an anteater.