I avoided medical dramas for as long as I could. I suppose that was largely due to the widespread idea that they weren't good TV -- a lie, I have since come to understand. But another, deeper excuse for such avoidance lurked beneath the surface. Truthfully, I didn't think I could stomach them. They're just fictional, but for someone with extreme medical anxiety, I always assumed they simply weren't for me.
This all changed one evening when, after a long week of working our tiring full-time "adulting" jobs, my best friend convinced me to share a bottle of wine and hate-watch Grey's Anatomy. "What we need," she said, "is trashy TV and no responsibilities."
Back then, there were twelve and a half seasons of Grey's. I didn't stop watching after our oh so thrilling Friday night ended. I kept going. I was caught up for the 12B season premiere in just a little over a month. I was hooked. I could not stop watching. It's a miracle I didn't immediately get to that last episode and immediately start over from the very beginning.
I didn't grow up having great experiences with doctors. I spent a lot of time in hospitals and doctors' offices as a kid, and the chronic stress and tension of those times never left me. To this day, I have to have someone with me for every appointment even if it's just a routine check-up. It's the only way I can get through it. I always thought that watching shows like Grey's or ER or Chicago Med would overwhelm me. I was, somehow, very wrong.
These shows are fictional. These doctors are actors and the surgeries feature animal organs and fake blood. It's all pretend. But I get fully invested in these stories because they aren't real. In some unexpected, twisted way, they calm my mind. They are reassurance. Not all the storylines on these shows have happy endings. But it's almost as if this in itself eases my biggest real-world fears, makes them feel smaller, more manageable.
I will always have a difficult time navigating medical settings. I can manage the symptoms, but there isn't a cure. That seems far less devastating as a self-proclaimed medical drama fanatic. The patients and doctors on these shows are, often times, having way worse days than I am. At the very least, I can walk into a doctor's office and be okay. I can even hum the Grey's theme song softly to myself if I want to -- you have to admit it's catchy in a very mid-2000s primetime way.