I love talking to friends about exes. But what about talking about exes in a current relationship?
While every relationship is different, talking about the past has not proven helpful in my relationships. I call it a Kevin Smith moment. If you’ve ever seen Clerks or Chasing Amy, you’ll know what I mean. It’s when you’re in a relationship that feels quite comfortable then suddenly someone says too much.
And that’s just it: Everyone’s standard is different for what’s important about their pasts. If I’ve shared about my romantic past, I’ve generally been prompted to. Although it meant nothing to me at the time I relayed these stories, it meant something to the person hearing it.
Sure, some things might come up, but when I’m constantly hearing stories about a woman from ten years ago that a current boyfriend dated for two whole minutes it gets exhausting.
I’m not a therapist. I’m a woman on a date with you and it’s not my job to fix whatever happened between you and someone else.
It also feels like a comparison.
If you must talk about them, talk to a friend, family member, or best of all a mental health professional.
You also have a right to privacy about the past. You don’t need to feel as though you have to give someone your dating resume every time you start a new relationship. It’s also kind of a red flag when someone asks a bunch of questions about your dating history. It’s up to you what you choose to share, but I save the gab for my girls.