Gossip Girl season 1 episode 2 review: Slow and sweet

Spotted:  is the slowest of slow burns developing on the Upper East Side? Or is it a spark that never caught in the first place?

In last week’s review, I referred to the new and not-yet-improved Gossip Girl as lackluster with potential promise. However, after finishing “She’s Having a Maybe,” it feels like the reboot may have taken one too many of Max’s illicit sedatives before class.

The episode primarily followed the fallout between Zoya and Julien from the pilot as Julien scrabbled to maintain her social status by aggressively tracking her dwindling followers as a result of Zoya and Obie’s burgeoning relationship.

While the show repeatedly seems to be saying that Julien isn’t like Blair as “there is no hierarchy” in the new Gossip Girl, it’s a plotline ripped straight from the original series. Replace Met Steps with Instagram impressions and you apparently have an updated story.

At least, that seems to be what the writers think. The problem with the reboot is not only the completely unsubtle social media talk that feels think tanked to death but also a general lack of heart.

Regardless of which characters are on screen, I’m not really sure who I’m supposed to be rooting for and why. The core group of Julien and her friends are mostly rich and vapid–unlike their predecessors, they barely seem to care about each other.

At this point, the only character I am really here for is Julien, in spite of the incessant influencer dialogue, mostly due to Jordan Alexander who seems to be digging deeper to bring something extra to the role beyond what’s on the page.

(And the core conceit of long-lost sisters has a strong emotional pull–whether or not the writers can deliver.)

Meanwhile, this week’s B-story revolved around Max stalking one of his teachers while also tanking Audrey and Aki’s relationship, because every CW reboot has to have a teacher and student sleeping together.

Oh wait. This isn’t Riverdale.

But with a bit more flair and camp, that level of interpersonal drama should be a home run. Instead, it just reads as gross and boring. Sadly, much of this week’s episode was.

Until next week. XOXO.

What did you think of this week’s episode of Gossip Girl? Make sure to tell us in the comments below!