Riverdale season 4 episode 3 review: Betty saves the day in “Dog Day Afternoon”
In this week’s episode of Riverdale, Betty saves the day as Edgar Evernever and the Farm return to town.
Last week’s Riverdale promised to take Archie and friends back to basics. It’s fitting that we kick off this week’s episode with Jughead moving into his new boarding school.
After a sweet goodbye with Betty, Jug runs into Moose, his new roommate, who goes by Marmaduke now (because his name must always be an animal reference?) and is hoping for a fresh start.
Meanwhile, Archie and Mad Dog (who is also going by a new name–Munroe) meet with Riverdale’s only social worker, Ms. Weiss, about turning the boxing gym into a proper community center, who warns there will be costly updates, but Archie promises they’ll figure it out.
Veronica, of course, offers to lend him the money. But this is Riverdale which requires a minimum amount of shirtlessness per episode. A whopping ten minutes in, the boys host a sudsy, sexy car wash at Pop’s, but it still isn’t enough.
Over at the Riverdale branch of the FBI, (a suspiciously personality-less) Charles tells Betty that, thanks to Kevin’s intel, they’ve located the Farm at a seedy motel and are keeping them under surveillance.
Knowing that they receive a pizza delivery at the same time every day, Charles sends an agent in disguise to infiltrate the Farm, but Evelyn answers the door and immediately realizes the agent is not their regular guy and kills them.
Edgar comes over the agent’s wire and tells Charles if he tries it again, there will be more blood on his hands.
Later, Betty gets a call from Alice — finally! Except it’s actually Edgar Evernever, who has, at last, realized that Betty’s mom is a “pretender.”
In exchange for keeping Alice safe, a fully unhinged Edgar tells Betty she has five hours to secure $250,000, passports for all of the Farmies, food, water, and a bus, which is a pretty insane list of demands, even for a cult leader.
Back at Stonewall Prep, Jughead soon butts heads with, Bret, whose actual scripted name is Bret Weston Wallis and I need a moment to unpack this. When I scanned the IMDB page for this episode and discovered this actual character name, dear reader, I dropped my phone straight on my face.
Riverdale has a long tradition of campy names with baked in references to literally anything and everything, and some names that are just dumb (as we discussed last week). But a thinly veiled reference to American Psycho author, Bret Easton Ellis? I am shook.
Rounded up working on an assignment for the dashing Mr. Chipping, Bret provokes Jughead some more, causing Jughead to give him a bit of a taste of the Southside. With Bret’s tie in hand, leaning over him, Jughead says, “Why don’t you go write some compelling drama instead of creating it?”
But, of course, Bret doesn’t listen, and publishes a story revealing the truth about Moose’s dad posing as the Gargoyle King in the Stonewall Prep paper.
After school at Thistlehouse, Cheryl is highly disturbed to find a stranger in her house, a new caretaker named Darius that Toni has hired behind her back to help with poor old Nana Rose.
Cheryl consents to the arrangement as long as Darius agrees to never go into the Blossom Chapel (where Jason’s body is rotting), because this plot is still happening for some reason.
When Darius asks for a skeleton key and some money in order to deal with the apparent rat problem at the house, Cheryl fires him for being too nosy. However, perhaps she should have thanked him for the warning after a rat erupts from Jason’s shirt!
There have been a lot of ridiculous storylines on Riverdale, but I really can’t with this one. Thankfully, Toni finally discovers Cheryl with her brother’s corpse in the aftermath of the ratcident, a horridness that is sure to be delved into in next week’s Halloween episode.
Because Archie is the least defined and most boring character (don’t at me), this community center plot is still going on. Mary is not into it because she is not into Archie investing himself in Riverdale any further. It’s not safe — and this is coming from a woman who left Riverdale for Chicago!
But this is understandable since her only son makes it a habit to sneak out in the middle of the night and beat people up. However, Mary finally concedes they will stay in Riverdale and she’ll help Archie with the community center.
Now for the good stuff: Betty Cooper, high school senior and amateur detective, can add amateur FBI bomb squad agent to her list when Edgar sends Polly to the Riverdale FBI Headquarters with a pack of C4 strapped to her chest.
Charles gives Betty the Cliff’s Notes on bomb detonation and literally walks away. What is he even doing there? Is he also secretly a Farm member? Or is he just the most incompetent FBI agent ever? If anyone out there understands Charles in any way shape or form, reach out.
Handing Betty a pair of scissors and mumbling incoherent directions on how to dismantle the bomb, Charles watches as Betty manages to use her ever-handy bobby pin to replace the detonator pin, stopping the bomb with two seconds to spare.
Polly warns Betty that she has to give Edgar what he wants, or he’ll start killing the Farmies. With Alice’s life on the line, Betty rounds up what she needs, including five Glamourgé eggs from Veronica (worth $50,000 each), blank passports from Toni, and a stolen school bus.
Because it’s always a trap, as soon as Betty delivers the goods, Evelyn knocks Betty out with the butt of a rifle. But when she wakes up, it’s next to a roughed up Alice Cooper.
Alice tells her Edgar’s appropriately insane plan:Evelyn will drive the bus full of Farmies off a cliff, with Betty and Alice strapped to the front, as a distraction from Edgar taking off in his homemade rocket. Welcome to Riverdale season four, ladies and gentlemen.
One of television’s greatest mother and daughter pairs, Alice and Betty devise a plan. And when Evelyn comes looking for them, beret and all, they knock her out and run to the Farmies to help them escape on the bus, Betty cocking her pistol.
Dressed in a full-blown Evel Knievel outfit, Edgar and Alice face off in front of his rocket as she aims Betty’s pistol at him. Unbeknownst to her, Edgar also has a gun. As Betty races to help, Edgar draws his gun and two shots are fired–from Alice’s gun. “Edgar ascended.”
As we know, though, peace doesn’t last long in Riverdale. The closing moments of the episode remind us of this as the Cooper-Jones doorbell rings only to revel a mysterious VHS tape on the porch…
Next. Riverdale season 4 episode 2 review: Fast times at Riverdale High. dark