Death investigations get serious on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Many of us like to watch medical examiners on TV, but the reality for death investigators is far less flashy. John Oliver investigates on Last Week Tonight

Why not start off our week by diving into the light, refreshing subject of death?

Okay, most of you will agree that it’s not a terribly cheerful topic, but it is important. The matter is especially significant if the death of you or someone you love is subject to an investigation. Just to be clear, we’re not talking about the flash and bang of Law and Order, CSI, and NCIS. This episode, of course, concerns the for-real people who investigate suspicious deaths. Those forensic autopsies happen to about 500,000 people per year.

It’s hard to understate just how important these investigations can be in our lives and communities. Forensic investigators can pinpoint the spread of infectious diseases, spot new trends in substance abuse, and focus inquiries onto killers. The accuracy of their findings is absolutely vital.

This being Last Week Tonight, we, along with host John Oliver, are duty-bound to focus on the issues associated with these investigations. Even a cursory search reveals some shocking stories. Individual people have made huge mistakes in terms of handling remains and investigations, from botching reports to bringing a service member’s brain home for jollies. In one story, an investigator’s dog even consumed human remains, including an individual’s spleen.

It’s not just the people involved that can cause trouble. Offices also often face a serious lack of funding. Medical examiners and coroners get next to no federal money, even if they’re asking for supplies as basic as a working refrigerator or an extra lamp. When you have barely enough money to see the autopsy you’re conducting, things get dire quickly.

Background

First, if you die and your death is determined suspicious enough to warrant an investigation, you go into one of two systems: one managed by coroners, the other by medical examiners.

As you may have guessed, medical examiners must have medical degrees. Coroners, however, don’t have to meet that requirement. Instead, they are typically elected officials who run campaigns. They rarely have to prove that they have any sort of degree, training, certification, or medical knowledge of any sort.

In some places, a coroner might also happen to be the county sheriff, leading to very predictable conflicts of interest. A San Joaquin county sheriff tried to manipulate the findings of an investigation (in which he was also the coroner) where sheriff’s deputies fatally shot an individual. That now-former sheriff, Steve Moore, attempted to use his influence to deem those deaths “accidental”.

Coroners vs. medical examiners

What’s to be done with such a mess? We could do away with the role of coroner, for one. In fact, medical groups have argued for the coroner system to be abolished since 1857.

Yet, medical examiners face their own challenges. First, it’s tough to get qualified professionals to join the field. Medical examiners don’t get paid nearly as much as a surgeon or general practitioner. Pair that with the prospect of a horrifically underfunded office and you’ll see why few people jump at the chance.

It’s so difficult to get people hired that there are currently only an estimated 500 board-certified forensic pathologists in the United States. There are also an increasing number of drug overdose deaths that need to be investigated. Along with poor funding and low staffing, this spells a serious lack of resources nationwide.

This also means that examiner’s offices have been forced to outsource some of their tasks. Some of those cases went by in unremarkable fashion, to be sure. However, some have gone very, very wrong.

In Missouri, coroners contracted their autopsy cases to a man named Shawn Parcells. That meant that Parcells – who has no medical qualifications, no matter how much he thought real hard about becoming a neurosurgeon – was in charge of investigating the cause of death for many people.

Parcells has been accused of screwing up the findings for murder investigations, lying about his qualifications, and just generally being a trash person with a gross office. In a clip included on Last Week Tonight, he casually took a reporter through said office with a distractingly large soft drink in his hand, seemingly immune to the problems on display.

Carpeting

Why was Parcells hired? He was cheap.

Parcells’ rates were so low that his lab was a “back-alley” affair rife with stomach-turning issues. Those include boxes stacked everywhere, remains in what appeared to be lunch containers, and a restroom in close proximity to the autopsy table.

The office also lacked professional walk-in refrigerators, meaning that individuals and organs were mostly left unrefrigerated. Parcells also felt no urgency over the carpeted flooring in his lab, which is arguably far worse than the already-acknowledged monstrosity of a carpeted bathroom.

It’s not all jokes about gross take-out containers and that baffling carpet. When investigators are unqualified or careless, there are serious consequences for the families involved. If someone like Parcells is busy screwing up the investigation, the death certificate can be delayed. People, meanwhile, are waiting to find out what happened to their loved ones while Parcells and others like him are busy doing everything poorly.

Death certificates are also necessary for things like collecting on life insurance. Until that certificate is in hand, families can be in financial and legal limbo. It can also, of course, be emotionally traumatic to wait for that final document.

Solutions

Clearly, we should strive to have qualified medical professionals oversee this process. We should also encourage more people to join the field by paying them more and properly funding medical examiners’ offices. According to Oliver, a rather paltry amount of $3.75 per person in the U.S. would be enough to fully fund all offices. It would also help raise medical examiners’ pay, bringing dedicated people with real qualifications to the table.

It’s understandable if you don’t really want to talk about death or taxes. Think about it this way, said Oliver. What would you want for Ted Danson, Beyonce, or Glenn Close? Can you stand the thought of a beloved public figure being treated with such carelessness and disregard?

In fact, Glenn Close appeared on the show to plead for a modicum of respect. “No, I don’t want my spleen eaten by a dog,” she said. “Show my spleen some respect.”

Tracy Morgan showed up to argue for it, too. “Please don’t let someone take my brains home to play with. That’s not a good thing,” he said. “I cannot have some dog out here eating Glenn Close’s spleen…. Don’t you want to save her spleen?”

Everyone else deserves that sort of respect after death, spleen and all.