John Oliver talks about the danger of crisis pregnancy centers

On Last Week Tonight, John Oliver describes the emotional manipulation and bad information distributed through crisis pregnancy centers

This week, Last Week Tonight went straight for the jugular by talking about pornography. Well, thanks for making this recap easy, John Oliver.

Oh, wait, it’s actually about abortion. Yay? Really, that topic is considerably less fun than the fake out header, but no less important. Given that Last Week Tonight has just a half-hour time slot, that’s not nearly enough time to tackle such a big subject. So, said Oliver, “We’re going to focus on the exact opposite of an abortion clinic: something called a crisis pregnancy center”.

What is a crisis pregnancy center (CPC), sometimes also called a pregnancy resource center? They are generally more like counseling centers than true medical clinics. That becomes especially relevant when people start questioning the center’s ability to provide sound medical advice or competent care. Hint: what you will find at a CPC rarely fills the criteria for either.

In rosy terms, CPCs provides counseling to people who are pregnant, especially to those who are considering abortion. However, that’s not the whole story. Investigate a little deeper, and you’ll see that CPCs promote their services with plenty of vague information and marketing that could easily mislead a vulnerable, highly stressed person. These clinics often use emotional manipulation and outright lies to convince people to continue an unwanted pregnancy, with little or no regard to the impact (negative or positive) that said pregnancy can have on someone’s life.

Choice versus “choice”

“Choice” is an especially popular term when it comes to marketing CPCs. However, the actual concept of choice is not consistently emphasized or employed. Barbara Beavers, director of Mississippi’s Center for Pregnancy Choices, finds it hard to believe that women might consider anything other than bringing a pregnancy to term. “[Abortions don’t] register with reality. Women are not made that way,” she said, going on to claim that women are made to die for their babies.

Not so, said Oliver. The only mothers born to die for their babies are Pacific salmon. Nice to have some fish facts to lighten the load, I guess.

Depending on your community, a CPC might be closer to you than an abortion clinic. Mississippi, for example, has one abortion clinic and 38 crisis pregnancy centers.

Now, the problem with CPCs isn’t that they are trying to dissuade people from having abortions. People who manage and work for a crisis pregnancy center at least have the right to voice their opinions and provide some sort of service.

The true issue is that many CPCs are actively misleading women. Abby Johnson, an anti-abortion activist who quit her job at Planned Parenthood after witnessing an abortion (a claim which has been called into question) was quoted in support of this tactic. At a training session, Johnson was recorded telling trainees that “yeah, we do kind of want to look medical… the best client you ever get is the one that thinks they’re walking into an abortion clinic”.

Numerous CPCs actively work to mislead people, urging them to walk into the clinic instead of actually telling them what services are available and what the clinic staff wants to accomplish. Some even set up shop next to actual abortion clinics and attempt to mislead women through proximity, apparently.

Mobile CPC clinics

Some CPCs even procure a van, which they then rename a “mobile clinic.” CPC staff drive the van around and provide sonograms and, presumably, a heaping dose of guilt. “To listen to them tell it, their vans are an absolute joy to be inside,” said Oliver. One video clip showed a man boasting about the plush leather seats, refrigerator, and massage chair in a van. You know, instead of actual medical equipment or qualified doctors.

Once women are inside a clinic or creepy van, they are potentially subject to a variety of nonsense tactics. These include blatant misinformation, like the claim that abortion increases someone’s risk of breast cancer, or that fetal parts have been found in someone’s lungs or heart after they get an abortion. (That’s not true. You knew that, right?)

By the way, those free ultrasounds are often used more for emotional manipulation rather than for medical reasons. Technicians have reportedly written “hi mommy and daddy” on sonograms in an attempt to dissuade someone from getting an abortion. Some have reportedly lied to women about how much they can wait before an abortion. One doctor quoted on Last Week Tonight said that she had dealt with a patient who had been told that she could wait until her third trimester for an abortion, which is definitely not the case in her state.

Okay, so if abortion is so bad, then why not just give women better access to birth control? Perhaps you wouldn’t have to throw money into manipulative sonogram sessions or stork-themed vans if you just helped someone get an IUD.

Naturally, many people involved with CPCs say that birth control is wrong, too. As quoted on Last Week Tonight, Barbara Beavers claimed that, even with perfect usage, condoms fail 20 percent of the time. Her claim is blatantly false.

Controlling behavior

Don’t these centers at least help people after they give birth? In some cases, they do. But that help is limited by both resources and ideology. Abby Johnson, in the same training quoted earlier, urged her audience members to cut off new mothers and their families. According to her, infant supplies should not be stocked for any children older than six months. They’re not running a charity, after all.

This is not about helping women or their families. It’s really about controlling women’s behavior and sexuality. CPCs, like protestors outside clinics, are more about being condescending to women. Anti-abortion activists are more likely to treat these women like ignorant children instead of adults who are capable of making decisions about their own bodies.

If you are feeling horrified, then you are also probably asking how crisis pregnancy centers are still in operation. Generally speaking, most CPCs stop just short of becoming a medical center. After that, they would be subject to medical laws that would generally make it difficult to lie to people.

Without the bothersome restrictions of medical regulations, CPCs are not subject to HIPAA privacy laws, either. However, they do generally receive federal funding. In fact, at least 16 states directly fund CPCs with taxpayer money.

It’s hard to take direct action against the predatory tactics used by crisis pregnancy centers. However, you can at least help others become more aware of the “dangerously poor information” that Oliver says CPCs disseminate. And what better weapon is there in Last Week Tonight’s rhetorical arsenal than satire?

Our Lady of Choosing Choice

Remember Oliver’s church, Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption? Of course, you do. Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption was set up in order to illustrate just how easy it is to create a tax-exempt “religious” institution. It’s almost as easy as fleecing naive and vulnerable people out of their money in exchange for a bit of flimflam nonsense.

Now, Oliver’s so-called “church” is back, this time in the form of Our Lady of Choosing Choice crisis pregnancy center. “Our clinic has wheels and we will travel,” Oliver triumphantly explained as a vehicle emblazoned with “Vanned Parenthood” rolled into the soundstage.

Praise be, “Wanda Jo Oliver” is here to help, too. Really, it was the delightful Rachel Dratch, reprising her role as Oliver’s fictional wife. She had some definitely true warnings about the dangers of abortion. “It will make a ghost baby that will haunt your hoo-ha forever,” she claimed. “Getting an abortion will turn your breastmilk into kombucha.”

Yuck! Unless, of course, you’re into that sort of thing.

Next: John Oliver shows us the stark reality of immigration courts

What about birth control? “I do give out condoms,” Wanda Jo admitted. “But I do tell people that they are zero percent effective… because I cut the tip off these suckers. Lets the holy spirit drive right on through!”

“And it’s all allowed!” Oliver reminded viewers. Indeed, Wanda Jo doesn’t need any training to operate an ultrasound machine in the state of New York, where Our Lady of Choosing Choice is registered. Doesn’t matter, though: John Oliver is apparently with child, at least in her semi-professional opinion. Praise be!