Dear Prince Albert: An open letter to Victoria’s male lead

Queen Victoria’s husband is a passionate defender of truth, innovation, and social progress — but how would he react to the world of 2018?

Victoria‘s Prince Albert (Tom Hughes) isn’t in a great place. After discovering Buster Bluth-style that his uncle might actually be his biological father, he’s been in the midst of an identity crisis. In some ways this experience has made Albert a little bit more forgiving in his principles (he gives a lying servant a second chance even though he despises dishonesty!). Yet, in other ways, Uncle Leopold’s bombshell just made Albert’s moral code even more rigid. The young prince was always disapproving of promiscuity, but now the very notion of extramarital sex sends him over the edge. Considering his father and brother’s (real and fictional) reputations, Albert must be enraged 24/7.

In spite of his black-and-white worldview, Albert never strays into buzz kill territory. No, if anything he’s a bleeding-heart idealist, which is pretty adorable from my cynical, 2018 vantage point. I’m curious to know how Victoria‘s Albert — the pinnacle of sincerity — would react to our time, so much so that I’ve decide to write him a letter.

"Dear Prince Albert,First things first: please accept my condolences about the death of your father. Also, please accept my sympathies about that paternal secret your uncle dropped in your lap. I know you’re shocked and very upset, but if it makes you feel any better, many children are conceived and born out of wedlock now and they’re considered no better or worse than children who aren’t. So take comfort in that when you worry about whether you and your own kids are illegitimate.I have to say I find your obsession with truth and authenticity very endearing. And, to be honest, it’s also a little funny. No offense meant, but I live in a world where my nation’s leader regularly lies, refuses to apologize when he’s caught lying, and shrugs off the importance of truth. His administration is also responsible for coining the phrase “alternative facts.” As someone who is intelligent and committed to rational thinking, that term must be throwing you for a loop. You might even be appalled that such an oxymoronic concept even exists. All I can say is, same here, sir. Same here.Additionally, as someone who isn’t partial to makeup, I couldn’t help but smile when you asked your dear wife Victoria why she would ever want to “paint” her face. Oh, my sweet prince, if only you could see the beauty standards women are held to in 2018. Rouge is the least of it, babe.Speaking of which, I know you frown upon adultery, which I completely respect. However, you might want to check yourself before making judgments on a woman’s “concept of purity.” Your anger at your uncle’s behavior doesn’t mean you get to condemn other people’s personal lives, especially if they don’t affect yours. And, to be frank, slut-shaming just makes you seem ignorant.As for your distaste for the “tableau vivant” in France, I just have one word for you: Instagram. To paraphrase your own words, it’s a magical “place of artifice and deceit.” You see, sir, it’s a tool people use to document and display their lives. Instagram is where anyone can master the art of the illusion. With these helpful things called filters, people can present their lives in any way they want.Not that the Internet is all bad. For instance, I bet if you look on Etsy you could find some nifty embroidered suspenders to add to your collection.I wish you well, Your Royal Highness (or is it Your Majesty? Actually, I really don’t care). I want you to know that — even if you sometimes feel like an imposter — your work is for the greater good and your idealism is inspiring.God save the Queen, I guess? Is that an appropriate closing?P.S. You know those computing machines you geeked out over with Lady Lovelace? You should know that they just keep getting better and better."

Next: Victoria season 2 episode 3 review: Entente Cordiale

Victoria airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on PBS.