Riverdale is both way too much and exactly just enough

Riverdale swings wildly from extreme melodrama to appropriate nostalgia. Here’s every time it was far too much, and all the times it was exactly just enough.

In a plot heavy fourth episode, “Chapter Seventeen” just couldn’t help itself. Even its title, “The Town That Dreaded Sundown” is just downright histrionic, and everybody in Riverdale spends the hour trying to live up to the melodrama.

Of course, this is kind of what makes Riverdale so good. Swinging wildly from nutty teen hijinks to gritty neo-noir crime, the sophomore season is doubling down on its strengths. Even when it becomes almost too much to bear, it’s still quality programming.

However, just because I love something doesn’t mean I can’t turn my critical eye onto it. Here’s everything in chapter 17 that was way too much, and everything it got exactly right.

Too Much

Vigilante Archie

Are we really supposed to believe Archie went from the vanilla, high school heartthrob to this dark and twisty character in a matter of four episodes? In one narrative swoop, writers take the sensitive, albeit kinda dumb, guitar playing sop and try to give him depth. They trot him into the woods for target practice, to the Southside, tagging Serpent territory, and down a rabbit hole of vengeance. I’m still reeling from an annoyance headache after he tells Veronica he wants to be the one to kill the Black Hood.

It’s not that I don’t like Archie with a little more oomph. I definitely think his character could stand to grow out of his “aww shucks” bit from season 1, but Dark Archie doesn’t have legs. I resent the shortcut Riverdale is trying to take with his character arc. In fact, it’s such a hard left turn, and then a turn back, that I might actually have a little bit of whiplash.

Hysterical Alice

I like my Alice Cooper like I like my summer salads: cool, crisp, and with a little texture. I don’t want Alice crying over folded hands at the dinner table, begging Betty to be safe. I want her to make bold and badass moves to keep her safe.

And I definitely, positively, absolutely, don’t want my Alice to be the voice of exclusion and divisiveness. Her crusade to blame the Serpents and the Southside for everything that’s wrong with Riverdale smacks of a political allegory. I don’t want my beloved Alice to become a metaphor for social injustice. Mädchen Amick is too good for that.

A Rumble … seriously

It was endearing when S.E. Hinton did it in The Outsiders, but it’s silly on a show that is supposedly set in 2017. You can’t have it both ways, Riverdale. You can’t have Archie’s video go viral, and then have him and his pals resort to a rumble against a rival gang in a parking lot. That’s not how it works, even if you are proudly anachronistic. It’s jarring.

I get that the show is trying to amp up the mayhem, and Hiram Lodge even comments on the “chaos and confusion” (underscoring my theory about his involvement). However, this isn’t the way to go about it. Most viewers aren’t old enough to remember a time when Pony Boy and Johnny got jumped by the Greasers, and this feels less like an homage and more like a wooden imitation.

Exactly Enough

Veronica stands by her man

In a nice attempt to balance Archie’s decent into terrible decision-making, writers make Veronica a loyal (and more level-headed) ally. She transforms the Red Circle gang into a movement, mobilizing the school into a action. She also talks Archie down from his mania-ledge, comparing his video to that of a “Unabomber manifesto.” She’s loyal without being witless, and don’t think I didn’t get the irony in that scene with Hermione. It’s totally shady that she’s warning Veronica against “blind loyalty,” given her pathological protection of Hiram.

Betty gets things done

Lili Reinhart is killing her portrayal of Betty. I mean, she absolutely nails everything about this high-strung, perky monster trying to tamp down her darker instincts. She gets a note from the Black Hood, for heaven’s sake, and she still doesn’t wilt under the fear and uncertainty. Sure, she sheds a few tears when Jughead catches her in a lie, but she also cracks the cipher that the homicidal maniac created just for her. Jughead, ever the supportive boyfriend, characterizes her as “Nancy Drew meets Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” and YES!

She also isn’t going to let Toni creep up on her man. She’s on to her, and if it takes letting down her ponytail to show she’s serious, then she’ll do it. Betty is the real Riverdale hero, and it’s about time this show started acting like it.

Hiram becomes the villain we all want and need

The Black Hood may be the most real and present danger, but Hiram is the real low-key mischief maker MVP. Please, oh please, let him twirl a mustache, tie a woman to the train tracks, or steeple his fingers while he laughs manically. We need that from this show.

It’s becoming increasingly apparent Hiram, and his beautiful puppet-wife Hermione, are plotting and scheming. It’s been subtle, thus far, but that’s about to change. As Veronica’s eyes are opened (after Archie narcs to her, that is) about her father’s intentions, it becomes evident who’s doing all the string pulling.

Hiram and Hermione are probably the world’s most attractive bad guys, and I’m rooting for a major plot-twist in the coming episodes. This is juicy stuff, folks, and Riverdale knows how to scratch a soapy itch.

I will acknowledge that the show pulled back on some of its weaker moments. Having Veronica and Archie toss his gun into Sweetwater River was a nice (although, I predict, temporary) course correction. We need Archie to just sit there and look pretty while everyone else handles the business of not getting murdered. We don’t need him running around causing more trouble for the gang. He can’t be the Elena Gilbert of the group.

Further, it looks like the show is setting up Fred Andrews to be Alice Cooper’s foil. For every hot-headed and reactionary monologue she delivers, he offers some sound, practical solutions. It also seems like he might be standing in the way of whatever Hiram has planned, so let’s hope he doesn’t get shot twice.

We’ve got you covered, River Vixens and Bulldogs. Stay with us for all things Riverdale.

Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on The CW.

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