Holier than thou: AHS Cult episode 5 recap

American Horror Story: Cult gets grander, gorier, and though there are some holes in the story, as cohesive as it’s been this season.

We’re just gonna dive right into this week’s nutso episode because things are getting more and more unbelievable and I am getting more and more convinced that this is a shot-for-shot preview of our future!

First, we see a news package reveal that a crime wave is sweeping the nation. During the story, Kai talks about chem trucks invading the streets and mentions that Meadow remains missing. According to Beverly (the reporter/our ol’ pal), cops warned civilians to stay inside. However, according to her boss and regular, non-cult person, Bob (Dermot Mulroney), she really just wants to spread lies and scare people. In reality, crime happens to be at an all-time low. He tells her to stop giving Kai airtime and spreading fake news. She then tells him to play the video of what had happened to Serena, but he refuses and fires her. Beverly threatens to reveal his past inappropriate relationship with Serena.

At a cult meeting later, Kai asks Winter to do a poll around town and it turns out, people don’t know who he is OR care at all about city council. Harrison, the Hot Cop, Winter, Beverly, Chaz Bono, and some other mildly hot dudes are also there to consult on how to best scare the world with their serial murders/the other general violence they’re perpetrating. Kai pitches the idea of killing Bob in the most satanic way possible and tells Beverly that she has to film it. As he lays this plan out, Ivy walks in to join the meeting and, OH WOW, I shout. I shout, dear reader, to the high heavens.

Back in the land where things make sense still (kind of), Ally prepares for bed and notices little red dots on her neck, which she begins to scratch. When these dots grow, bugs start to crawl out. OF. HER. SKIN.

So naturally, she quickly finds herself in Dr. Vincent’s office describing this incident as a dream, but reveals she woke up and actually scratched her neck open. He tells her that she has voids that need filling, and she admits that living without Ivy and Oz has made her life unbearable. She’s terrified of being stuck in the house (which has been marked by the serial killer, REMEMBER?!) alone, she has no credit cards because Ivy’s canceled them, and she’s barely able to get by. She tells Dr. Vincent that it feels like Ivy basically prepared for this.

Flashback to September 2016

In a very brief flashback, we watch Ivy and Ally working together. Ivy does the books for the restaurant and Ally just focuses on tryna get that sweet, sweet love. Ivy tells her they’re not doing well, financially, and Ally presents her with a gift. Unfortunately, Ivy rejects it.

Back in the present

In the present, Ally admits she thought the election ruined their relationship, but now thinking back, she’s not so sure. She begins to describe her recent visits with Oz, which are now solely supervised by Ivy. In one of these meetings, Ally tries to joke around with him, and he treats her like she’s too wacky to handle. Of course, this is v. sad, so Ally asks Dr. Vincent to help her keep her son.

Meanwhile, Ivy and Winter take a drive together and discuss how radical action needs to be taken soon, because that’s the only thing that can cause real change. Ivy admits that she hates this country and that she hates Ally for aiding in the country’s demise. (*Cough* Because she voted for Jill Stein *Cough*). She tells Winter that she will burn down the country in order to protect her son.

Now outside of Bob’s house, Kai and Harrison and the gang prepare to strike. We see Bob come down his stairs sucking on what appears to be bloody-rubber-gloved-fingers? He scoops himself a dish of ice cream as though he’s a normal who didn’t just do that, and the clowns move in and start to beat him. They begin to chant “Hail Satan” in Latin simply because, as Kai puts it, that’s creepier.

As they beat him, he shouts, “No one will take care of it!” WELL GUESS WHAT? TURNS OUT “IT” IS A MAN LITERALLY HUNG ON FISHHOOKS BY HIS SKIN FROM THE CEILING OF BOB’S ATTIC. Kai cuts him down in a very disgusting way and Ivy loses it, barfing in the bathroom. Winter reminds her that it’s different to actually witness these acts.

The Clown Cult brings Bob upstairs to his Hook Boi and asks him if he has any last words. Then, they promptly stab Bob several times while chanting. And, oh yeah, by the way, they continue filming. Right before she finally kills him, Beverly takes off her mask to reveal to Bob that it’s her.

Immediately, we cut to another news package wherein Beverly “breaks” the news of Bob’s murder and shows the video from that night. Beverly and Kai have a postmortem at Ivy’s restaurant where Kai tells Beverly that she’s the only one who impressed him on the night of the murder. Beverly suggests they strengthen the group by going after the weak link.

Flashback to five weeks prior

Five weeks earlier, the Clown Cult starts to set up the coffin murders. The gang all mildly protests, wondering if they should really leave the recently attacked couple in there to die.

In the present, Beverly and Kai agree to cut the weakest from the herd.

Ally returns home very sad and does sad lady stuff, like making a bed for a kid who doesn’t live there anymore. She notices Harrison across the street and decides to spy on him using a telescope from Oz’s room. Suspiciously, she watches him pick up what appear to be really heavy bags. Since his wife went missing, that doesn’t look great. She also watches him aggressively make out with Hot Cop Samuels. So obviously, the correct next move is for her to sneak across the street to get a closer look. When she gets over there, she finds a badly-dug grave containing Meadow, who looks up at her and whispers, “Help me.”

Before Ally can do anything, she hears movement from inside and runs back to her house, locking everything up. She calls the cops but the dispatcher is “experiencing a high level of calls,” so Ally calls Ivy. While on the phone, someone comes to the door and bangs on it violently. Meadow shows up at her window screaming that they will kill her. She yells to Ally that it’s a cult and everyone’s in on it, including her wife. Someone throws a bag over Meadow’s head and drags her away.

Ally hangs up on Ivy.

Harrison and Hot Cop Samuels arrive at Kai’s for a meeting, where Ivy waits. Winter reveals that Kai holds the lead against all the other candidates in her poll now. Kai skulks around the room, monologuing about what they have to do to win, and mentions that he feels hesitation in the room.

Afterward, he leads them all to the basement, where he tied up one of their own, RJ. Kai tells them all that RJ would surely sell them out if he had to, so he must be disposed of. Beverly agrees, reminding them that RJ had yet to do the hard work (read: murder). Ivy protests, so Kai accuses her of not being one with the group. To prove herself, Kai makes her shoot a nail gun into RJ’s head. Ivy weeps but commits the act anyway. (Sidenote: I think this makes it clear she never deserved to be lawfully wed to one radiant and exquisite Ally Mayfair-Richards. Just saying.)

Anyway, the cult all take turns shooting nails into RJ’s head, but he doesn’t quite die. Which is fine — Kai just wanted everyone to prove their loyalty. Kai kisses RJ very, very, very creepily on the face and shoots him a final time in the back of the head.

Beverly and Kai hop back on their pinky promise game, and contrary to what we saw before, it seems like Beverly leads the session. Kai unveils his backstory.

Now, if we believe Kai’s account, his dad was confined to a wheelchair after an accident and was frequently abusive to both Kai and his mother. After his mother finally cracked and shot him in the stomach, she killed herself. Kai called his brother for help afterward and we learn that his brother is DR. VINCENT, who convinces Kai to hide the bodies instead of calling the cops and disposing of them properly to avoid public shame (he’s a new doctor) and the death tax (he’s a monster). We then see Winter coming home from college and Kai (her brother, in case you forgot) showing her their DAMN DEAD DECOMPOSING BODIES. He kept them laying in their beds, which is like the worst possible version of Beetlejuice.

Kai reveals, in present day, that he still visits them sometimes. What’s worse, he still hopes to make his mother proud by becoming something big.

And I feel effectively ruined for the week, if not beyond. But I’m also more intrigued than ever, and kind of wholly believe that this season will make America great again?! That’s TBD. And I’m sending out an SOS.

American Horror Story: Cult airs new episodes every Tuesday on FX.

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