The personal is political: AHS Cult episode 3 recap

This week, our characters’ lives are changed by the world around them, but even more unsettlingly, these characters start to change the world.

It’s not easy to strap in for American Horror Story: Cult every week knowing what might be in store, except yes, it 100% is, because this show is getting wackier by the minute and I am ready to be the ringleader of this circus.

To start off, we’re dealing with Rosie, who describes a terrible recurring phobia to Dr. Vincent in which she imagines herself being buried alive under the ground every time her husband starts to have sex with her. Rosie tells the doctor that he’s fixed her, and her husband Mark explains how hard it had been for her to overcome her fear, as she’d been locked in a cupboard by her father as a child.

Rosie recounts that, on Dr. Vincent’s advice, emphatically closing her father’s coffin at his funeral did, in fact, empower her to continue to face her fear. When the couple gets home, they kiss a bunch, and Mark slinks into another room real quick. Rosie goes to find him and discovers a room full of open coffins. The crew of clowns enters and forces the couple into the coffins, fastening the lids shut.

Assuming those guys are just done for, we’re now back at Ally and Ivy’s. The cops are there, taking Pedro’s body away. Ally voices her fears to a hot grey-blonde haired leather jacket Baywatch cop (Colton Haynes, apparently): she’s worried that she’s in a lot of trouble. Ivy tries to calm her down, telling her that what she did was understandable. The Hot Cop also reminds them that Pedro was already a suspect in the previous murder case, so I guess it’s okay then? Ally tells Ivy she’s worried that Oz will never be able to move on from this trauma, but Ivy is more worried that Ally won’t be able to.

As Ally and Ivy head back to the restaurant, they see a mob of people protesting Ally (and Adina Porter reporting on it all). So, Ally starts to head home, but Kai appears at her car window and tells her that he admires her for her courage. He assures her that he’ll take care of the mob for her.

Back at home, Ally pours herself a glass of rosé to calm down and remain on brand when there’s a knock at her door. It is at this point I need everyone to brace themselves, because I was not given a proper warning and I deeply regret it.

The Wiltons are standing at the door in sombreros. Harrison fully Billy-on-the-Street-style shouts at Ally, accusing her of hiding behind her privilege. And they make it very clear that Ally is not going to be able to get away with what she did.

As Ally recounts this to Ivy, they watch the news, which includes the ongoing protest as well as the bloody smiley face symbol being part of the coffin couple crime scene after also appearing at the Changs’.

Outside their window, Ally and Ivy see a weirdo Ghostbusters-y truck driving down their street emitting green fog. The next morning, Ivy finds Ally staring at the ground outside, which is littered with dead birds. Ivy gets on the horn with some local government higher(ish)-ups to tell them about this, but they don’t seem concerned. Ally smells a conspiracy, and I am ready for her to go rogue.

Suddenly, Winter appears again. Ivy tells her that she’d invited Winter to come back and help, saying that what Winter did was pretty understandable given the circumstances. Except then Winter immediately proves Ivy wrong by telling them that she’d let someone into their home, assuming they’d been expecting him.

Ivy and Ally rush into the living room where a naked dude says lots of gross things, citing the personal ad they’d placed. When they inform him that he’s sadly mistaken, he continues to make moves on them.

Later in the car, Ally calls Dr. Vincent to talk about the personal ad. She’s certain it’s the neighbors, and he tells her he’ll work with her to get the ad taken down, but let me tell you, something is up with that guy these days! Dr. Vincent (the Main Suspect in my mind for something huge) suggests that Ally go to a facility. She tells him that’s she’s dealing with it on her own, and she’s actually on her way to talk to the protesters.

He thinks it’s a terrible idea and that people are too emotional to communicate, but she reassures him. As she arrives at the scene, they storm her car and continue to scream at her. She panics, trying to move her car through the crowd. Kai steps in front of them and they all disperse. He skulks up to Ally’s window and reminds her: “I told you I would take care of you and I did. Have a nice day.” Because that’s normal, right?

When Ally and Ivy arrive at home later that night they find Oz and Winter playing with a guinea pig, and immediately two things happen, both of which sent me reeling.

1. They tell him that he must give it up because Ally is allergic to guinea pigs?
2. The words “You know we don’t like cis-normative pet names!” are uttered.

After they learn that the pet had been a gift from the neighbors, Ally really insists that he say goodbye to it. Oz tells her he wishes he could say goodbye to her instead. Ally calls the neighbors, who are busy watching television with Hot Cop Haynes. Harrison takes the call and confirms he did it. Meadow then takes the phone and harasses Ally, just in general, though Ally tries to stand up for herself.

As she’s still freaking out about the phone call, Ally sees the green fog truck coming down the street. She steps in front of it and screams that it should stop and tell her what’s going on. Obviously, it does not. Ally jumps out of the way, hurting herself in the process.

Meadow is now in Kai’s basement. He makes her admit that she’s afraid of growing old and being childless. She also tells him that she’s afraid of Harrison leaving her for his new “friend,” Hot Cop Haynes.

Ally and Ivy are back at the restaurant, where they talk about a blood test that Ally had taken after breathing in the green fog, only to move to an adorable family scene. During this lovefest, Ally tells Ozzie he can even keep the guinea pig. But when they arrive back at home, the bloody smiley face is on their front door. Oz runs in to find his guinea pig in the microwave, where it explodes.

Ally trots on over to the Wiltons’ house. She accuses them of drawing the smiley, and Harrison is visibly shook by this. He tells her that the killer’s marked them. Ally doesn’t believe him, and tells them that if they come near her family again, she’ll kill them.

As they make their way home, Ivy freaks out on Ally. Oz breaks it up by pointing out that the smiley is also on the side of the Wiltons’ house. Ally posits that they drew it themselves.

The green fog truck is back, only this time, someone hops out of it in a black plastic suit. Ally confronts him, yelling at him to show himself. He pulls off his mask and reveals a red bloody smiley face. Ally faints in response.

Harrison is now pinky deep in Kai’s basement, and he flat-out admits he regrets marrying Meadow and wishes she were dead.

Meanwhile, Ally is ranting about how everything bad that’s happening is connected, blaming it all on the neighbors. Hot Cop Haynes, who is there too, asks Ivy if Ally has been exhibiting any signs of psychosis, but then tells them that the smiley on their door has been authenticated. Cool segue, pal.

Oz makes weird noises from his room upstairs and the moms rush up to him. He admits that he’d clicked a link, and when Ally pushes to see it, they find it’s the video of Ally and Winter in the tub. Ivy absolutely loses it and slaps Ally. Ally insists that this only feeds into her theory that it’s all connected and perpetrated by the neighbors, but Ivy tells her that it’s not them, it’s her, and that she’ll be leaving for the night with Oz. Ally begs her to stay. But before they can really sort it all out, they hear cop cars and Harrison’s yelling outside.

Harrison is half-covered in blood, and Meadow has disappeared. He says he’d woken up to find the bed wet and sticky. When Ally nears the scene, Harrison charges at her, telling the cops he’s sure she’s behind it. She denies it, only to realize that Oz isn’t around. They turn to see him back inside their house, staring horrified at the walls. Blood has been smeared up the stairs, ending with another bloody smiley face on the wall.

Next: 5 people who should host next year's Emmys

I don’t know about you guys, but this is all getting to be too much, and by “too much,” I mean I wish it was also a musical and was slated to be 40 episodes long. But honestly, at this rate, maybe next week?

Tune in next time to maybe see those developments, but to definitely see more horror and Harrison and, if we’re lucky, the most ice cream eating of all the episodes yet!