John Oliver takes on Alex Jones and lucrative conspiracy theories

John Oliver and Last Week Tonight returned from vacation in order to take on one of the loudest members of conspiracy theory media—Alex Jones.

Most of us understand that Alex Jones—who yells about tap water turning everyone gay and claims that the Sandy Hook massacre was staged by the U.S. government—spouts unadulterated nonsense. In fact, said Oliver, “ideally, the first thing you should know about the Alex Jones show is nothing”. Or, as John Oliver colorfully described Jones, he is “the Walter Cronkite of shrieking bats*** gorilla clowns.”

So, why is John Oliver talking about this man?

It actually doesn’t have much to do with the fact that Trump is apparently a fan, nor the time that Jones called out Last Week Tonight on his own show, InfoWars. That call-out, by the way, included a back-handed compliment about Oliver’s presumably intellectual British accent. Wrong, said Oliver: “I sound like a chimney sweep passing through a wood chipper.”

All joking aside, however, there are some serious issues with Jones’ show, InfoWars. There’s the frankly vile speculation about the Sandy Hook massacre, not to mention a veritable cornucopia of paranoia, thinly veiled homophobia, and Jones yelling about Satanists. Jones also promoted the “pizzagate” conspiracy theory, which led to an actual gunman threatening innocent people at a Washington, D.C. pizza restaurant.

InfoWars’ revenue stream

However, “there is a piece of context you may be less aware of”: the show itself and Jones’ particular way of making moeny. It’s four hours long and Jones is constantly shilling products on air. In fact, Jones has spent nearly a quarter of the time on InfoWars selling stuff on his website. Including wet wipes, herbal shampoo, and a “Bill Clinton rape whistle,” which is nothing more than a whistle on a lanyard for $6.00.

Also, Jones’ store sells some high-priced wet wipes that awkwardly assure you that it’s safe to use on the perineum. This also means you get a pretty direct illustration of what a perineum is on Last Week Tonight, by the way.

That said (and once you metaphorically wipe the image of a perineum from your mind), about two-thirds of the revenue from the InfoWars store comes from a variety of high-priced vitamins and “nutriceuticals.” These include products named “Child Ease,” “Brain Force Plus,” and “DNA Force,” the last of which will cost you $120.00 a bottle. There’s also a “Caveman True Paleo Formula,” which includes ground up chicken bones and chocolate powder. Alex Jones claimed that “the ancients had better bones” in order to shill the Caveman formula.

John Oliver drank a glass on the show and gave it a, shall we say, poor review. “It comes at you in waves,” he said.

Now, Jones does retain a consultant to back up these products, one Dr. Edward Group III. Group claims that “I do research all the time” in order to bolster his credentials and also says that refugees are spreading disease—which, of course, means you should buy a supposedly immune-boosting supplement.

Alas for Jones, Group is not exactly an accredited physician. Group does have a chiropractic degree from Texas Chiropractic College. However, he actually didn’t earn an undergraduate degree and only completed a non-degree certificate program from MIT. In fact, Last Week Tonight contacted MIT about Group’s attendance there. In response, MIT said that “It is not accurate to say he has a degree from MIT” and that “calling him an alumni would be inaccurate and misleading.”

Now, all of this stuff doesn’t come cheap, even if you can get them for a far lower price elsewhere. Jones justifies this by saying things like “you absorb it” more and that cheaper competition “will kill you”.

What does Jones do with all that money?

Where is all of this money going, by the way? Alex Jones claims that all of the earnings are going back into his show. This is not to mention that it takes about $45 million to run the show, which itself is under “massive, sustained economic attacks.” He also begs viewers to “give me the energy and I will attack the enemy.”

Jones makes it sound like InfoWars is constantly on the edge of shutting down. However, ex-employees say his business is thriving. Jones seems to be especially fond of Rolexes, of which Oliver counted at least three separate pieces. Which is fine on its own, but doesn’t jive well with his message of scrappiness and struggle.

Jones awkwardly argued that he’s dressing as a Rolex-bedecked Satanist to… uh… show the world that… um, “none of it means anything.” Nice save, there. Still, Jones should have to be working that hard to prove his point. According to Oliver, “tormenting the parents of Sandy Hook should comfortably get you into Satan’s club.”

So, “if you play [the clips] in context,” said Oliver regarding Alex Jones, “he looks like a skilled salesman… selling you an answer.” For an especially illustrative example, Oliver played a clip where Jones claims that chemicals are in the water, feminizing everyone and reducing fertility rates. He then turns and coincidentally sells a bunch of expensive water filters.

Next: John Oliver takes on local television

Oliver then brought on Jack McBrayer as “Dr. Ted Throup III” to sell the “John Oliver Moisture-Armored Tactical Assault Wipe” exclusively for use on the perineum. “For goodness’ sake, don’t use this anywhere else.”

Luckily, you can actually buy these things at infowipes.com for $1,000,000. By the way, that amount will all go to Doctors Without Borders. Could it be worth the cost? According to “Dr. Ted Throup,” the other wipes will kill you, while these can “heterosexualize frogs.” Thank goodness, we guess.