Chester Bennington’s death has left me feeling ripped apart

On Thursday, Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington was found dead in his home near Los Angeles. The news rocked social media as longtime fans and fellow musicians tried to grapple with this new reality.

Following the news of Chester Bennington’s suicide on Thursday, hundreds of people took to social media to process the news. Amid dozens of tweets encouraging those who are struggling with depression to call their local crisis center or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline were tweets from fans recalling how Linkin Park gave them a renewed will to live. Some talked about how Linkin Park introduced them to a whole new genre of music. Others talked about how Bennington and his bandmates inspired them to make music of their own.

The common thread among all of these reactions was shock. Pure. Unadulterated. I think losing Chester Bennington was a possibility that hadn’t occurred to anyone, myself included. Losing him so soon after losing Chris Cornell feels especially devastating.

When Cornell was found dead in his hotel room in May, the music community mourned. Bennington, who was close friends with Cornell, wrote a letter after the incident to express his grief. He also performed Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” at Cornell’s funeral.

Bennington was found dead on what would have been Cornell’s 53rd birthday—something many people, including journalists at major publications, couldn’t seem to resist pointing out.

When celebrities die, there is always a measure of voyeurism in the way media reports the details. That voyeurism only seems to increase when celebrities commit suicide. Details of Robin Williams’ death as reported in a major publication still haunt me, years later. Details of Cornell and Bennington’s suicides are right in the headlines; no need to read the article at all.

Reporting these details can be especially harmful to those who also suffer from depression, and furthermore, it disrespects the legacies that people like Bennington leave behind.

When Linkin Park released their sophomore album, Meteora, in 2003, it immediately solidified itself as one of the best records of the decade. I still gravitate toward it on days when I want to scream until my lungs give out, 14 years later. The melodies stick in your head and the lyrics hit hard, especially on songs like “Numb” and “Faint.” Like many of Linkin Park’s biggest hits, the main focus of songs on Meteora is overcoming major obstacles.

Bennington openly discussed his struggles with drug and alcohol addiction, which he said fueled the subject matter for several Linkin Park songs. Earlier this year, he told Rock Sound, “If it wasn’t for music, I’d be dead.”

In replies to a tweet from the official Linkin Park Twitter account, fans spoke openly about Bennington helping them get through their own depression. Many discussed how he gave them new hope, inspired them to keep going, and wrote and performed music that made the world seem a little less dark. I won’t feature these tweets individually, out of respect, but if you click through you can read them for yourself.

This loss is devastating.

On a personal note, Bennington’s death has left me feeling ripped apart. Processing the news means unpacking years of loving Linkin Park from afar. It means recognizing the impact the band had on me as a young person, and realizing how many others I’ve had the pleasure of knowing who had similar experiences. Linkin Park’s music has always appealed to a wide cross-section of music fans. It brings unexpected people together all the time. Chester Bennington’s melodic vocals, heart-wrenching screams, and heartbreakingly honest lyrics were major components of that connection.

He wrote in his letter to Chris Cornell, “I can’t imagine a world without you in it.” Today, we struggle to imagine a world without Chester Bennington. And it hurts.

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If you find that the coverage of Bennington’s death is triggering, take care of yourself by stepping away from it. If you are a US resident and struggle with depression, need someone to talk to, or feel stuck in the dark, call 1-800-273-8255. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides free, confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you are not a US resident and want information about where you can turn, see Suicide.org for resources, including phone numbers for crises lines.