F.P. Jones – Riverdale
I don’t know about y’all, but I like my dad-crushes to be a little on the sketchy side. They must, beyond anything else, have a scruffy beard, a tortured past, and a penchant for tight tee shirts. Thankfully, Skeet Ulrich’s F.P. Jones checks all those boxes.
A more well-adjusted admirer might take into account F.P.’s criminal tendencies, volatile outbursts, and troubling emotional past. That’s not me. I’m a mess, obviously, so the more trainwreck-y they come, the more I swoon. And F.P. is a total mess, but in the hunkiest, sexiest way possible.
All that outlaw swagger is a thing of beauty, and I wouldn’t say no to invitation to being that Southside Serpent’s old lady. Of course, being his main piece would mean you’d have to be a dutiful step mom to Jughead, which would also mean putting up with his incessant teenage ennui, but F.P.’s smolder would make it worth it a million times over.
Mainly, F.P. seems like he would be the “hard to love” sort, but that doesn’t stop me from lusting after him in every single way. God knows I love a challenge, and he would be the greatest of all projects. He’s got the trifecta of bad boy problems – addiction issues, emotional unavailability, and tons of past baggage. So, obviously I need him in my life immediately.
Make no mistake. I don’t lust after F.P. strictly because he’s so troubled. He’s also desperately, insanely, and ridiculously good-looking. Whatever pact Skeet Ulrich has made with the Devil, I want in on it. He’s aging so beautifully that I think he looks better now than he did in his early career. Hubba hubba.