ICE Ruffled By Alien Prank Calls To Anti-Immigrant Hotline


People swamped an ICE hotline with reports of an entirely different type of alien. At least we get to laugh through the tears.

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security Immigration and Customs Enforcement was, apparently, trying to keep up with the times. However, our times are unabashedly terrible. So, the ICE’s efforts to stay abreast of current issues resulted in some seriously bad business. Now, it seems, they have to be watching the skies for an alien of a different sort.

Specifically, on Wednesday, ICE revealed VOICE (Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement), their latest task force addressing “the needs of crime victims and their families who have been impacted by crimes committed by removable criminal aliens.”

Besides producing this bureaucratic mouthful, VOICE has set up a hotline where victims of “immigration crime” may speak with

"operators who can guide victims to information or contacts they need as well as assistance signing up to receive automated custody status information about a criminal alien in custody."

Politicians have offered up weak rebuttals to this fear mongering – “some, I assume, are good people” – but the spirit of their claims is clear. Immigrants are scary. They’re different. They will hurt you. So, it follows that immigrants should be kept out of country for the good of the “real” Americans.

So, it comes as no surprise that VOICE has crawled out of some fiery, sulfurous pit in Washington, D.C. Presumably, this is the same hole from which they pulled all the recent immigration orders and a few choice soundbites for Trump’s speeches.

Yet, keep the faith, for there are still people out there who are ready to resist. In fact, this time it appears that the UFOs have come out to lend us humans a hand.

On the VOICE website, it specifically states that the phone number is not meant as a tip line. Well, you try and tell that to everyone on Twitter.

ICE Deals With Pranksters

The VOICE hotline has been reportedly swamped by individuals reporting encounters with a different kind of alien. As in, for-real aliens who have traveled from across the galaxy to our grubby little dirt ball of a planet.

VOICE also chose a poor day to debut their services. On Wednesday, 4/26 was touted on social media and beyond as “Alien Day”. Why April 26th? In the sequel to the 1979 sci-fi horror film Alien, creatively named Aliens, much of the action takes place on a moon called LV-426. That’s, um, kind of all there is to it.

At any rate, people were already talking about xenomorphs, ALFs, and whatever E.T. is supposed to be when VOICE stumbled onto the scene.

Callers reported sightings of undocumented immigrants such as Superman, E.T., and the cat-eating ALF. Another sighted a mysterious orange-skinned being who has invaded the White House itself.

VOICE Wasn’t Cool About  the Jokes

ICE didn’t take kindly to the prank, however. In an email to Fusion writer Rafi Schwartz, an ICE representative said that “this group’s cheap publicity stunt is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse. Their actions seek to obstruct and do harm to crime victims; that’s objectively despicable regardless of one’s views on immigration policy”.

VOICE also claimed that reports of cat-eating aliens and flying saucers did not actually disrupt its phone lines. Officials state that the line remains open for people who, in Trump’s words, “have been ignored by our media and silenced by special interests”.

Sure, I mean, if VOICE wasn’t a blatant attempt to engender fear and further a racist, anti-immigrant agenda. Because it’s not as if isolationism and fear have ever set the stage for a world war. I’m sure it has never led to the unjustified mass incarceration of an ethnic group that has placed an indelible black mark on American history.

And, hey, maybe the pranksters have a point. Do we really know what Superman’s motives are? Yes, he does claim to be a refugee who was sent here to escape the dying planet of Krypton. And it is true that he’s a childhood arrival who didn’t choose to be brought here.

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But why couldn’t his parents (the “foreign”-sounding Jor-El and Lara Lor-Van) have sent him to another planet? Why didn’t they fill out the proper paperwork ahead of time? And what kind of bio-weapon could have been stashed in this “innocent” baby’s space faring capsule?

For all we know, these brave citizens could be onto something. Keep watching the skies, friends, and calling the appropriate government agencies.