Twin Piques: A Millennial’s Journey Through Twin Peaks (Part 3)

[Image via CBS/Showtime]

Twin Peaks, Episode 6. Or: “She’s a giant snow queen with a smile like a sunrise on an ice floe.”

And lo, there is another episode that begins with Agent Cooper monologuing. He’s been kept up all night due to Icelandic drinking songs.

Cooper, why wouldn’t you bring earplugs? Don’t FBI agents have lessons in training and preparedness?

He stumbles down to his beloved coffee, where Audrey strikes like a damn 18-year-old viper. She wants to help, she says.

Cooper: Wednesdays were traditionally a school day when I was your age.

Audrey: I can’t believe you were ever my age.

Ew.

Meanwhile, Warbucks Jerry is tuuuurnt.

[Image via CBS/Showtime]Look, I kinda love Jerry. He proceeds to show his brother a leg of lamb from his new true love, Heba, then carries it around for the rest of the scene.

He stumbles down to his beloved coffee, where Audrey strikes like a damn 18-year-old viper.

Daddy Warbucks reveals his master plan to seal the property deal with the Icelanders: take them to One-Eyed Jack’s! I’m beginning to think Daddy Warbucks is a bit of a one-trick llama.

Leland shows up and is a mess that ruins everything.

Meanwhile, the cops are still at Jacques’ apartment. Cooper is tired. “You do look a little peaked,” says President Sheriff. Two things:

1. DOES NO ONE RECOGNIZE THAT PUN.
2. Awwwwww.

The good doctor is at the crime scene. He informs them that the blood on the shirt isn’t Laura’s. Cooper informs the doctor that this means the blood was Jaques, which seems like a bit of a jump in deductive reasoning.

Cooper then demands a boost from President Sheriff. Do they not have chairs in this apartment? Is this an excuse to get intimate.

[Image via CBS/Showtime]While Cooper is busy being hoisted aloft by his favorite sheriff, the doctor confirms that Jacques Renault has the correct blood type to match what was on Leo’s shirt. Cooper finds another Flesh World magazine hidden in the ceiling? It’s the one that Ronette — the girl on the tracks — was in.

Cooper then demands a boost from President Sheriff. Do they not have chairs in this apartment? Is this an excuse to get intimate.

Cooper explains that the magazine is an in-between — people write into the magazine, the magazine sends it on to the girls. The PO box for Ronette, Cooper says, is probably registered to Jacques. There’s an envelope hidden in the

There’s an envelope hidden in the magazine, which Cooper opens. They find a picture of a dude in lingerine — oh good, transphobia from both Cooper and President Sheriff, welcome to the ’90s —and Cooper, examining the letter inside the envelope, also points out that there’s a picture of Leo’s semi-truck in the magazine. Which … why?

Because transition, that’s why!

Shelly and Bobby are still at Shelly’s house. This is doing nothing good for my nerves.

They’re both really, really into gun foreplay. This is doing nothing good for my nerves.

Overly Empathetic Policeman shows up and Shelly plants Bobby’s story — Leo had been talking with Jacques. Which, I guess, is not not true. Okay, back to gun foreplay.

Or not: Bobby’s parents have dragged him into a session with Doctor Jacoby.

“He drinks!” his mom says.

“Everyone drinks,” says Bobby, apparently the Dr. House of his time.

Jacoby has his parents leave the room, then breaks Bobby down. I’m assuming he’s using information Laura told him in their sessions, which is…questionable.

Jacoby tells him that Laura wanted to corrupt people because that’s what she felt about herself. Bobby starts crying?

“She wanted so much. She made me sell drugs so she could have them.”

Hmmmm. What, I’m supposed to feel sympathy for Bobby now?

FAT CHANCE, DAVID LYNCH.

“Everyone drinks,” says Bobby, apparently the Dr. House of his time.

In other news, the cops go a-hiking through the woods. They find Log Lady. I resist writing down every single line of dialogue that comes out of her mouth. She tells them her version of the events of the night of Laura’s death. Owls

She tells them her version of the events of the night of Laura’s death. Owls are heavily involved.

The cops go a-hiking through the woods some more. They find a cabin that’s totally decked out in red curtains, and I nobly resist making Red Room jokes.

They find Waldo the myna bird, a camera with film, blood, twine, and a poker chip that looks like the counterpart to the piece found in Laura’s stomach.

Unrelated, there will never be a better subtitle than this:

[Image via CBS/Showtime]We’re back to Shelly fondling a gun, this time without Bobby. Leo pulls up in his truck and is immediately beaten up by Manslaughter McDiner. He walks into the house, throwing a concerned Shelly onto the floor, and she fires the gun at him. We don’t see the aftermath because David Lynch is a cruel god.

Cooper walks into the Lodge and sees that the door to his room is open. Audrey is naked in his bed.

This is going to end well.

Other important bits of Episode 6:

•  Norma and Ed break up. It’s sad.
• Audrey threatens her way into working at the perfume counter.
• Donna and Biker James ask Madeline to find anything Laura may have hid. Manslaughter McDiner, officially out on parole, overhears.
• The Icelanders have a party. Catherine and Daddy Warbucks fight and make up, which makes a spying Audrey laugh. Leland shows up and makes another scene, which makes a spying Audrey cry. Josie and Daddy Warbucks appear to be in cahoots; he’s told her where Catherine has hidden the other ledger, which she brings to him.

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Stay tuned for future recaps of Twin Peaks!