Review: RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9, Episode 3—”Draggily Ever After”

The true contenders are separated from the also-rans on an athletically inclined new episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race season 9.

After an aberrant premiere episode, RuPaul’s Drag Race gets back to basics with “She Done Already Done Brought It,” a cheerleader-themed episode that aired directly after VH1 showed Bring It On, but RuPaul knows how to do brand synergy right, dammit.

But even though the episode is more traditional, it still brings the theatrics in the form of a high-flying main challenge and the return of Cynthia Lee Fontaine, one of several queens from season 8 who got booted before her time. (I would have also accepted Laila McQueen or Acid Betty.) Will Cynthia make it deeper into the competition this time around? Who cares? It’s fun to have her back in our lives shouting nonsense about her cucu. A sample: “I didn’t know this cucu was happening today!” You do you, Cynthia.

Because the season 9 premiere was such a departure, we didn’t get to see many of the things we expect from a Drag Race episode, such as the contestants walking into the workroom as boys. One of the great things Drag Race does for drag queens is remove the stigma that they live in their personas full time, so seeing them as just guys at work is important. It’s a way to normalize what they do and promote greater acceptance.

It’s also important because it shows us who’s cutest. This year, it’s Valentina.

Another hallowed Drag Race tradition that makes a glorious return: bringing on film and TV stars who talk to the contestants for three seconds and then leave. This week, RuPaul invites Lisa Kudrow onto the show, has her do a couple lines from The Comeback, and then shuffles her offstage. Bye, Lisa Kudrow!

Not that I’m complaining. I love the scattershot absurdity of this show. I’m just glad we’re back into the normal format.

But the main thrust of this episode is a surprisingly physical challenge where the girls split into teams and do a cheerleader routine, complete with cartwheels, somersaults and soaring aerial lifts. Drag Race doesn’t dip into this well too often — I imagine that’s partly because the risk of injury is too great. Normally around now, we’d be getting a group lip sync challenge, so I appreciated the attempt to mix things up.

And I was impressed with the amount of athleticism on display. There were some obvious standouts — Shea Couleé, a high school athlete, soared through the air with the greatest of ease, and Cynthia never lost her smile as her squad members toss her to and fro. This is a risky challenge to take on, as it disadvantages less athletic contestants. The 52-year-old Charlie Hides put it succinctly: “This is probably not the sport for people with an AARP membership.” But overall, the contestants acquitted themselves better than I would have thought, and there were no accidents…that we saw.

But in a challenge like this, one where there are still lots of girls around, distinction is the name of the game, and Valentina distinguished herself. It wasn’t even that she was the most athletic, although her cartwheels were no joke. It was that she kept up an infectiously high level of energy throughout, and painted her face so her smile blasted to the back of the room. Pair that with her gorgeous wedding gown on the runway, an outfit that was equal parts sexy, demure, and lovingly detailed, and it was no surprise that she won. I won’t say she’s a lock for the Top 3, but she’s dangerous, this one.

On the flip side, fading into the background on a challenge like this spells death. The show gave Jaymes Mansfield a deflated edit in the premiere, and that continued tonight. Like Trinity K. Bonet in season 6, Jaymes didn’t seem to have her head in the game — in the challenge she was passable at best, and in the workroom she could hardly have looked more uncomfortable. But unlike Trinity, she didn’t get to stay in the game long enough to turn things around. It’s a shame, because Jaymes was the only pure comedy queen in the mix, but not everyone is cut out for this show.

I think that everyone, including Jaymes, expected Jaymes to be in the bottom 2. But Kimora certainly didn’t expect to be there with her. The early episodes are all about establishing the narratives the queens will develop for the rest of the season, and Kimora is gearing up for a narrative where she has a bad attitude and no one likes her. Among her more memorable moments:

• Kimora on cheerleading rehearsals: “I am so pissed. I don’t know who even does cartwheels anymore. It’s not even the ’80s.”
• Kimora on making her own outfits: “I think when you stone anything, it’s just an excuse to look great without really even being great. Stoning is for ugly girls.”
• Kimora’s disbelief that she’s lip syncing: “To put me on the bottom two? First?”

However, Kimora could always turn the story around and grow into Miss Congeniality. Drag Race is all about doing everything you can with the screen time you’re given, and Kimora has at least proven that she deserves screen time. While neither she nor Jaymes did particularly well during the lip sync of “Love Shack” (if anything, I thought Jaymes showed a little more personality), Kimora was more committed and has more potential for drama, which I why I think she’s still around. What she does with this bump in the road is up to her.

And Kimora did look a little tattered on the runway. I actually enjoyed the fact that she got some pops of color in there — it differentiated her from the other queens. But as Michelle pointed out, the theme was “White Party,” and Kimora’s outfit wasn’t, y’know, white.

But by and large, the runway was a winner. Some of the queens are establishing the silhouettes the judges will probably start telling them to change in a couple of episodes. Nina is padded to an almost cartoony level, Alexis Michelle is a curvaceous bombshell, Aja’s kind of formless, Farrah Moan is frilly, and Peppermint likes her long jackets. Others, like Valentina and Sasha Velour, are proving themselves the runway queens to beat. Sasha’s femme fatale look was striking, and completely different from what she brought last week. Yet her distinctive “unibrow” paint was still in place. Aesthetically, she’s striking a great balance between adapting her looks to the situation and putting her own stamp on them.

The final pillar of this episode was getting to know the contestants better. Peppermint and Cynthia both had affecting moments, Peppermint when she told the story about getting beat up in high school and Cynthia for her tale of cancer survival. (Although Cynthia doesn’t seem like the kind of person who can go too long without some levity, as she proved seconds later: “Hashtag kicking cancer in the cucu!”). And Valentina charmed with her devotion to her Virgen de Guadalupe candle. This episode should allay any fears that the cast will be bland this year.

And now that Jaymes has left the building, there’s no one obvious on the chopping block. Time to double down and start our engines. Season 9 is here.

Next: The Rumors are Here: Is Ewan McGregor Obi-Wan Kenobi Once More?

Random Ruflections

• “I don’t wanna sound like a hater or anything, but is this a joke?”
• In the workroom, Shea Couleé was wearing a giant baggy shirt that went down to her knees. For all I know, she had nothing on under there. It was great.
• Full disclosure: I did not realize RuPaul was in the video for “Love Shack.” But now I’ll never forget it.

• More Cynthia speak: “My cucu is just shaking right now.” Translation: “I am scared.” I’m pretty happy she’s back.
• Like last episode, Peppermint didn’t really stand out in the challenge, but damn if her neck rolls in the cutaways weren’t downright inspiring.
• Kimora may be a bit arrogant, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be fun. Peppermint: “Women wear bloomers underneath their cheerleading skirts.” Kimora: “Not the slutty ones.”
• Y’all noticed Lady Gaga being lowered on wires behind Ross Matthews during his green screen moment, right?
• Eureka’s a freaking fighter, man. It’s always a blast seeing a big girl break out high kicks and splits. And to continue the routine through a knee pop? She’s be around as long as she wants to be.
• Between her ruffles on the runway and her facial expressions during the challenge, Trinity Taylor also stood out. Not enough to eclipse Valentina, but enough to make a solid argument for why she’s here.
• Ross Matthews continues to be the most entertaining judge. To Valentina: “Keep it up. Or how you say in Spanish…I don’t know how to say that.”
• Even Ru’s is adopting Cynthia’s vernacular. “My fair cucu.” Strap in, guys — it’s gonna be a long season, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.