Ted Cruz Attempts To Be Hip, Quotes Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy


Ted Cruz tried to be cute and hip by quoting The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy while questioning the new Supreme Court nominee.

After Monday’s spew of news from Capitol Hill as the Comey hearings on Trump’s Russian connections did nothing to close the lid on Trump’s Russian connections ran concurrently with the first day of hearing for the new Supreme Court nominee, yesterday was relatively stable.

It should be noted that said Supreme Court Nominee, whose name, Neil Gorsuch, sounds like the sort of sound a Grebulon makes when having to listen to Vogon Poetry. It should also be noted that said Supreme Court Nominee has a track record of discrimination against women of the highest order, making him par for the course for the Trump Administration.

It should also be noted that in an attempt to be cute, and perhaps create some distracting headlines lest said Supreme Court Nominee accidentally say something highly sexist during his hearing, Ted Cruz thought it would be a good idea to ask questions that come directly from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

For those unfamiliar:

"The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. Perhaps the most remarkable, certainly the most successful book ever to come out of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor – of which no Earthman had ever heard of. More popular than The Celestial Home Care Omnibus, better selling than Fifty-three More Things to do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid‘s trilogy of philosophical blockbusters Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes and Who is this God Person Anyway? It’s already supplanted the Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for two important reasons. First, it’s slightly cheaper; and secondly it has the words DON’T PANIC printed in large friendly letters on its cover."

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy probably defines Ted Cruz as:

"“one of the most unpleasant humans in the Galaxy. A weasel who is so dedicated to the idea of power, he did not even lift a finger when Trump insulted his father or his wife, but in fact threw his support behind a man who continues to insult his family in the pettiest of ways at every opportunity. The type of human that we all hope will find himself about to be run over by a Vogon Construction Fleet without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, queried, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. A little piece of putty found under the arm of a Vogon is far more pleasant than Ted Cruz.”"

Next: George RR Martin Talks Winds of Winter, Hints at New HBO Project

Now, let us never speak of this man again.