10 New Monopoly Game Pieces for the Year 2017

Pink pussyhat (Screencap via JessesMomus on Etsy)

Pussy Hat

Forget the top hat, the capitalist sign of Mr. Monopoly and his property-buying empire. We need a Pussy Hat piece in Monopoly to represent those who will not be trampled upon by a real estate tycoon whose only concerns are fat stacks of $500 bills. The pussy hat is the new thimble, the new shoe, and the new iron, except she’s pissed off that her representation in this game to this point has been reduced to items such as thimbles and shoes and irons and purses, and wants to bring Mr. Monopoly down off his pedestal to ensure all those wads of cash are used to help everyone else succeed.

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Depose the top hat. Remove the thimble. Bring in the era of the Pussy Hat, and replace Mr. Monopoly with a crowd of fabulous ladies sporting Pussy Hats and playing with cats (the Scottie dog can stay if he wants, I guess).