Free Melania: How The Joke Undermines The Reality

Our newest FLOTUS is an independent woman who has made her own choices and who may or may not be in trouble

During the Women’s March protests throughout the world on January 21, you likely saw many different signs. Some were angry, others were compassionate, and even more were humorous. You may have even seen a few referencing Melania Trump, the wife of Donald Trump and the nation’s new First Lady. Those signs likely referred to Melania as if she were some sort of hostage: “blink twice if you need help”, “#FreeMelania”, and so on. Perhaps it was funny in the moment, but the jokes miss some important feminist quandaries about Mrs. Trump.

Images from the inauguration didn’t help clear things up. For one, Mr. Trump was seen greeting the Obamas without waiting for his wife to join him. This is in stark contrast to the Obamas’ behaviors towards one another eight years ago, when they greeted outgoing President Bush and his wife, Laura.

Further images of Trump and his wife throughout the day seemingly added to this growing sense of unease surrounding Melania Trump. Commentators remarked on Melania’s apparently uneasy, placating behavior. She frowned, stood straight, and generally looked pretty grim. Or, was she just shy? Maybe she is in an abusive relationship. Did she know what she was getting into? Does that mean she gets no sympathy now?

It’s a complicated situation, especially given that we have little to go on. So far, the only information we have is a series of photos and footage. There are precious few interviews with Melania, and even then she seemed bent on supporting her husband’s ventures. Unless we get a spectacularly unexpected, no-holds barred account from Melania herself, there is little else to go on. Everything else is, frankly, speculation.

So, what’s the speculation? On the one hand, it is very possible that the FLOTUS is just fine where she is. If we assume that she is a reasonably intelligent woman – and, as feminists, I believe we should extend her at least that courtesy – then surely she knew who Donald Trump was. She must have had a reasonable conception of life as “Mrs. Trump”. If there were any doubts on her part, we never saw them. If you look at the essential facts, then you may think that she willingly entered into this new life.

Certainly, quite a few of her actions speak to this assumption. She’s supported Trump’s ridiculous “birther” claims. She occasionally supported his presidential bid, arguing that his comments about “grabbing [women] by the pussy” were merely examples of “boy talk”.

Still, there is the disquieting sense that something is wrong, somehow, in the Trump household. Now, we have no substantive evidence that Melania is in an abusive situation. There are no police reports, no confessions, no photos, nothing. But, it is perhaps too easy to see her as an isolated, even frightened woman. It would be surprising to learn that she somehow didn’t have to sign an ironclad prenup, or that her life is dramatically different from the “ordinary” people who voted for her husband. If she were unhappy, it could be exceedingly difficult for her and her son Barron to leave.

Honestly, the truth is likely somewhere in the middle, where it always lives. There is no proof that Melania is in danger. That said, there is some proof that she supports the aims of her husband’s administration. Of course, there is also plenty of circumstantial evidence and rampant speculation that this isn’t where she expected to be.

It often seems as if Melania herself is a blank slate, a screen onto which we project our own preconceptions. Right now, there is no telling what the woman herself truly thinks or feels. Is Melania a victim? A collaborator? No one knows for sure, and she’s certainly not telling.

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Here’s what I believe, at any rate. Melania Trump is her own woman. She has made her own decisions throughout her life. She be responsible for them, good and bad, when necessary. It is difficult, if not impossible, to unearth the core of what she believes and display it to the American public. Indeed, if she doesn’t want to bare her feelings to us, she should not have to do so.

This whole “Free Melania” joke is too shallow. If she’s complicit in the horrors of her husband’s administration, then it undermines her intelligence and free will. If she is scared or in pain, then it makes light of an abusive relationship.

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So, yes, she may have forced herself into a gilded cage. And if it becomes clear that she is desperately unhappy or even in danger, I believe that we would be duty-bound to help her. But, right now, she is silent. She lives in New York with her son, largely separate from her husband, and rarely speaks to the press. I don’t think we should expect to hear much from her anytime soon.