11 Things We Must Protect in 2017

Screengrab: White House Correspondents Dinner.

With a likely tumultuous year ahead of us, there are a few things we need to make sure we keep safe throughout 2017 and beyond.

Last year got the best of us in every sense of the phrase. We were all defeated by the end of 2016, and even those at the top (especially ONE of us who was AT THE VERY TOP AND TECHNICALLY STILL IS IF WE’RE COUNTING ACTUAL MAJORITY VOTE WHICH ONLY MAKES SENSE) were chewed up and spit out. It was so easy to say goodbye last weekend and welcome in a new year full of new possibilities, new adventures, and most realistically, new horrors we’ll need to learn to endure. But this time, we’re ready.

If 2016 taught us anything, it’s that we need to be prepared for the imminent onslaught of garbage monsters who are ready to attack and destroy at the turn of every corner (or the mention of any wall WHAT, WHO SAID THAT?!). This year, 2017, the year we rise like a slightly damaged and terrified phoenix from the ashes, we will be vigilant. We will be ready. And we will protect and uphold the sanctity of the best of us in a way 2016 made it impossible to. Let’s do this, Baby Phoenixes (Is it ‘Phoeni?’ Can’t be.)! Let’s keep our 2017 pure, safe, interesting, and woke af. I believe in us. Kind of.