Shoot for the (Blood) Moon: AHS Finale Recap

A season that’s been anything but predictable, the AHS: Roanoke finale delivers old friends, fresh emotion, and most importantly, solid closure.

I can’t believe it’s over! It seems like just yesterday, we were wondering what the theme could be, making predictions about Lady Gaga’s potential role, and wondering whether Sarah Paulson would have three heads this year! Okay, that last one was probably just me. But for a year that started off a complete blank slate, quickly got moving, changed courses, and then actually followed through, I have to say that this season pulled it off. There was a clear plot, and though our perspective of things shifted halfway through, we always knew, essentially, what we were dealing with. The (not-so) underlying message of the season- a comment on our addiction to media and our propensity to accept anything we see on television as reality- carried, for the most part. The connection between seasons was strengthened significantly. And Sarah Paulson played Audrey Tindall who played Shelby Miller who then died and she came back and played Lana Winters so it’s ALMOST LIKE SHE DID HAVE THREE HEADS!!!!

We open this hectic finale on a drag queen and Chaz Bono duo hosting a Paleyfest panel for My Roanoke Nightmare. The audience goes wild, and some are even wearing pig masks and carrying cleavers cuz they are chill af I guess. Our cast sits on stage and awaits their bounty- I mean, questions- from the adoring town peasants- I mean, fans. Someone asks Sidney if another season can be expected, and he replies that *this* story has been told, but we’ll see what happens with other stories he has in mind. HMMMMM SOUND FAMILIAR!!?!?! An audience member then approaches a mic to tell Shelby they love her, and of course Audrey “No Chill” Tindall says something like “Are you sure it’s not me you love?” ACTORS, MAN!!! The audience continues to ask dumb questions, like what is Rory’s favorite color and can they hug him. This crowd is totally eating everything up. Cuz they’re us. Get it? Except, like…this is kind of making fun of us? And we…like it anyway? Because we’re all monsters too????

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Next, we see a YouTube video of one of the girls who’d asked a question slash cried at the Paleyfest panel. She’s talking about how the second season wasn’t as good as the first, and how there’s been talk online about whether any of season two was even real. She seems to think it was real, and sort of wonders aloud to us/imaginary Lee why she had to go back to the house. Then, we suddenly cut to a video of a Lot Polk sitting in a car, presumably after the Great Blood Moon Battle of 2015. He’s saying that Lee killed his kin, and if the law won’t deal with her, he will. He’s holding an assault rifle. Even the Internet on TV is filled with trash.

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Our next stop on this media tour is a TV true crime drama called “Crack’d.” The narrator recaps Lee’s beginning as a decorated police officer and a loving wife and mother. A district attorney appears for a talking head interview, saying that he knew Lee had killed her husband, but had to wait around and watch while she became a celebrity. He laments that they had her multiple crimes on film. A toxicology expert then states that the pot she’d smoked at the Polk residence PLUS the trauma and extreme duress of the evening rendered her incapable of knowing what she was doing. She was acquitted of all charges.

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Because he was super intent on having this woman punished, the DA then went after Lee for her original crime, killing Mason, because he couldn’t accept the results of the Polk trial. We see actual trial footage of Lee’s daughter, Flora, taking the stand. She testifies that she’d overheard her parents fighting in the woods, and confirms that Lee had hit her father with a rock, and then continued to beat him til he stopped moving. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that snitches get stitches??? No, of course not. She was too busy beating your father to death. ANYWHO, Flora continues, saying that she was had been hiding and neither of her parents saw her that night. Lee’s lawyer then gets up to question her, and asks Flora why she didn’t go to her mother and father when she’d run away and hidden in the woods. Flora says she wasn’t alone in the woods, she was wth Priscilla, that ghost gal who promised to “kill them all and save Flora for last.”

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Lee’s attorney asks her, “You felt safer in the woods with a dead girl’s ghost than you did with your parents?” which is a super valid inquiry. The lawyer then claims that Flora had likely invented the friend in an attempt to feel safe because of her traumatic childhood. The lawyer claims that Flora may have seen Lee’s confession tape and built false memory around it. The jury took 16 days to reach a verdict, which came back not guilty, because they “couldn’t send a woman to jail based on ghost stories” says a juror. Also, valid-ish. Our pal the vengeful DA is back to say that Lee Harris must be a good actress to get away with all she has, and that her verdict has been the hardest to swallow in his legal career to date. After the trial, Flora refuses to talk to her mother. The DA states that though Lee got off, there were no winners in this situation.

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Here she is boys, here she is WORLD, here’s LANA WINTERS. She’s come out of retirement to interview Lee, and tell the world her side, unedited, unfiltered, and live on television. Lana asks how she is, because she’s been through hell and back JUST LIKE LANA HAD. Lee says that having Flora to stay alive for and just the thought of watching her grow up has kept her going. BUT their relationship now is basically nonexistent; she had to go to court to try to get custody of Flora from Mason’s family, who’ve deemed her a bad influence on her daughter.

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So now, we’re full-on experiencing the Lana Winters show, which is a thing that I would watch IRL all day every day until my demise. Lana asks why she agreed to come on the show, even though she had offers from people like Barbara Walters (calm down, Lana Banana), and Lee tells her that she, of all people, would be able to relate to what happened to her, and the things she had to do to stay alive. They both endured and made painful choices and killed for survival. Lee then faces the camera, talking directly to Flora about how much she loves her, and Lana “No Chill” Banana immediately asks Lee where Flora is. Allegedly, an hour before they started rolling, Flora was reported missing. Lana asks if Lee abducted her again, and Lee is just as confused; she had no idea any of this was happening.

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Suddenly, they hear gunshots from right outside. Lana proclaims that it’s an assault weapon. The camera turns, and we see a policeman get shot and killed. Good ole Lot Polk bursts into the studio. Lana tries to talk him down, telling him that she knows how painful the loss of his mother was, but right now, now that he’s on LIVE TELEVISION, he has the opportunity to tell his own story instead of being a villain. He thinks for approximately one second about maybe not being a garbage monster, but then knocks her out with his gun. He and Lee have a short stand-off, but another police man enters and shoots Lot dead. We cut to a technical difficulty screen. TALK ABOUT RATINGS!!!!!

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Time for yet another fake show! This one, Spirit Chasers, is a Ghost Adventures-y show, and we get a disclaimer right away telling us that they’ve decided to air the following footage after consideration. YEESH. Bob and Dave, dumb bro hosts, explore the house with Ashley Gilbert, who played the medium in My Roanoke Nightmare; his “familiarity” with the house was thought to be helpful for the bros. They tell us that they haven’t been this freaked out since they were at “that asylum,” (GAHHHHH) and they ALSO tell us that tons of shows had wanted to explore the grounds after Three Nights In Hell, but were denied entry. As were Bob ‘n Dave, who have decided to just break in anyway during a blood moon. Kewl!

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Tracy, their tech manager, also joins them in the hunting. It’s nighttime, and they start to explore the house. They recognize where everyone had died on the series, and suddenly things in the house start slamming on their own because duh. Ashley finds a bonnet, which he says is real as he can sense the pain in it, when they hear someone outside and immediately ignore the ACTOR they’d brought along for spiritual consultancy. Suddenly, Lee arrives. She’s looking for Flora. They think it’s super cool that she’s there, and Lee responds by telling them that the blood moon is coming and also “You stupid f***s deserve to die,” so that’s pretty chill. They want to help her find Flora, but she continues to try to get them to leave, saying that the spirits were coming. She screams at them, AGAIN, that if they have any brains, they’ll get out immediately because “this house has a way of wiping that frat boy smile right off your face.” Bless.

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They promptly do not leave and, instead, take an audio file that upon replay, Lee recognizes as Priscilla- Flora’s ghost BFF. She tells them they still have time to run and leave. They, again, do not, and run around the house, calling out for Priscilla. Suddenly, a Pigman appears and murders Ashley.

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The others try to run away, but Dave is captured and killed by one of those scary upside down girls who comes down from the ceiling. Upstairs, Bob sees the murder-y nurse sisters coming toward him and runs outside, where Tracy is accosted and sliced open by The Butcher.

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The cops arrive, and Bob tells them to run; they look up and see the blood moon, and by the time they can do even think to leave, they’re peppered with arrows. Meanwhile, back in the house on the infrared cameras, Lee still looks for Flora, calling out to her. She appears, telling her mom that she’s there.

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It’s daytime now, and the cops think that Lee has taken Flora hostage inside the house. They have negotiators and SWAT teams outside waiting to see what’s coming next

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They then interview Lana Winters for the first time since the attack, who says that she and Lee are alike because “when we latch onto something, it becomes our destiny and we will do anything to see it through.” When asked what she believes is Lee’s destiny, Lana says that it’s always been about Flora.

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Lee and Flora are in the house, having made it through the night. Flora is drawing two little girls under some trees in the dirt on the floor, and Lee explains to her that parenting is like drawing a picture. She admits that it’s akin to knowing what you have in your head will never come out as perfectly as you want. Flora says that she saw her kill her daddy, and Lee tells her that she did it because a girl needs her mother, and her father never understood that. Lee says that the only thing she has ever had to live for was Flora, and that they have need to leave. Flora wants to stay with Priscilla forever. Meaning, as a ghost. Lee says that she can’t stay inside because she has a life to live. Flora shouts that she wants to burn the house to the ground in order to stay and protect Priscilla from The Butcher for all of eternity. Lee tells her that she’ll stay and look after Priscilla; she says Priscilla needs a mommy. She’s willing to die instead of Flora so that someone can stay in the house and look after Priscilla, so that Flora can go live her life. Lee says she can come back and visit her whenever she wants, just not during the blood moon.

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Outside, the cops smell gas and suddenly the door blows off the house in a fiery explosion. Lee puts a gun into Priscilla’s hand and tells her it’s going to be okay. Priscilla shoots her, and the house continues to burn.

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Lee sits in the back of a police car, smiling at her mother who is holding ghostly hands with Priscilla, now able to take care of her friend. Lee and Priscilla walk off into the woods and the car carrying Flora drives away.

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Farther away, we see The Butcher’s army still waiting to march to the burning house under a full blood moon.

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And that’s all, folks! Everyone DID die, except for Flora. Lee redeemed herself in the eyes of her daughter, which is the only thing that ever mattered to her. We wrapped up the story in a pretty concrete and fairly lovely way. And we never have to see a man in a pig suit ride an Uber again….until next year, probably.