You Win Or You Die: Ranking the 99 Game of Thrones Deaths

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Image credit: HBO/Helen Sloan

Lancel and Kevan Lannister

Had Lancel taken his breakup with Cersei like a normal human being, he might have made it through the series. Instead, he shaved his head and got an ill-advised face tattoo. I think you’ll find that most relationship gurus don’t recommend such drastic coping mechanisms.

Like so many others, Lancel is taken in by the High Sparrow’s religious uprising. I don’t quite know what the High Sparrow’s bag was, unless it was simply to get in everybody’s business. If that was the case, he accomplished it beautifully.

In any event, Cersei didn’t take kindly to Lancel’s blame game. He confesses the details of their affair and Robert’s death to the High Sparrow, who uses this information as leverage to imprison Cersei once she’s granted him such power. Knowing Cersei, she wasn’t about to let her cousin-lover-ex to get away with his betrayal. If only he could have gotten to the wildfire sooner, Lancel would have save his own life and countless others. Dude gets stabbed once and he can’t blow out a candle. Meanwhile, Arya suffers multiple contusions and she’s still nailing her parkour. But I suppose that is neither here nor there.

As far as Lancel’s father, Kevan Lannister, goes, the guy snubbed Cersei one too many times. It was a classic case of “We didn’t invite Maleficent to the party,” and in this case Cersei is Maleficent. He stood in her way, and had to be removed. Luckily for Cersei, major arson has the ability to remove just about anyone you’d like.

Moral of the story: Just invite Maleficent to the party, for god’s sake.