16 Identity Crisis Driven Foods to Try or Avoid

Pizza Hut’s Hot Dog Bites Pizza: Because America

Last year Pizza Hut brought terror to the arteries of every American looking at their ads. The Hot Dog Bites Pizza had not just a normal pizza in the center, but 28 mini hot dogs wrapped in the outside crust as well. The tiny hot dogs were poised in crust canons encircling and pointed at a molten sea of sauce, cheese, and possibly pepperoni. I feel like I should go to the gym just for writing that sentence.

A slice of this mutated identity crisis of a pizza is 460 calories with just a cheese pizza. Compare this with the already hefty 360 calories per slice of a large hand tossed pie. There was even a version that turned the rust into mini pretzel dogs because America needs more salt.

The same concept was debuted overseas, but with fewer hot dogs. I guess the launch here merited more because…America. Don’t get me wrong, I love both hot dogs and pizza, but I don’t need to have them together with me in a culinary threesome. The Orlando Weekly summed up my thoughts with their headline of Pizza Hut’s new hot dog pizza is a deathtrap.

Damn it, Jim, I’m a pizza, not a hot dog!

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