Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Our Spoiler Free Review

Special correspondent Sarah Weymes saw both parts of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Her spoiler-free review says not all Potterheads will love this show

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I attended a preview performance of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, parts 1 & 2, on Tuesday 21st and Wednesday 22nd of June in London’s Palace Theatre with a group of friends and a spray bottle full of cold water that came in very handy, as the inside of the building was hotter than the contents of Mundungus Fletcher’s living room. If you were present on one of those nights and became annoyed by the faint sound of spritzing, sorry, that was me.

I wish I could start by saying that the play was everything I’d hoped for but, at the risk of incurring fandom wrath, I have to be honest and say that it was largely disappointing. Simply put, the plot is bad. With a first act so rushed it felt almost like a maniacal dash to showcase as much clever staging as possible, numerous plot holes and ill-explained conveniences that serve only to move the story along quickly rather than make any sense, and a final act so contrived and emotionally manipulative that I felt slightly insulted by it, I left the theatre on night two wondering when Rowling was going to show up and explain that it had all been an elaborate joke. Spoiler alert: she didn’t.

The play features a lot of cameos from many beloved characters, including Professor McGonagall and a suitably gigantic Hagrid, courtesy of a few flashback sequences, which made for a pretty nice trip down memory lane. It’s also a very funny play, with plenty of snappy one-liners and some excellent physical comedy from Anthony Boyle’s Scorpius, but that’s not enough to mask the weak storytelling going on behind it. What I found most frustrating about the play is that much of what we see manages to undo previously established rules set down by Rowling in the original books. Without giving too much away, one example is that Polyjuice Potion can apparently be whipped up in a matter of minutes, rather than the arduous month Hermione Granger spent sweating over a bubbling cauldron in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. Clearly, even wizarding technology is moving into the age of convenience. In another ten years they’ll have apps to make potions for them.

Speaking of everyone’s favourite female member of the golden trio, Noma Dumezweni is a wonderful actress who threw herself into the part with gusto. She, Jaime Parker and Paul Thornley are great talents, all three took to their roles effortlessly, and it wasn’t difficult to see why the three had been picked to embody such iconic characters. If the parts they were playing had been written to resemble Hermione, Harry and Ron in any way, it would have been even better. Sadly, the crimes committed against Ron’s character mirrored the movies. Portrayed as a bumbling idiot with no concept of what goes on around him, at one point he demonstrates his inability to hold a wand the right way around. Hermione is dealt a better hand, but she’s less emotional than her younger self, harder and harsher and ultimately a little soulless. Harry’s defining characteristic appears to be his desire to shout at people, when he’s not acting with surprising cowardice in the face of a fight with what is essentially a Batman villain from the seventies. Shout and cower. That’s it. That’s all he does.

On the upside, Ginny Weasley is given a voice and a personality, and the Malfoys were a delight. Draco is given some pretty believable character development, better than he was before but not without his trademark penchant for doling out insults, except now they’re withering, rather than childish and cruel. He has also been blessed with a son who could easily be considered the Tommen Baratheon of Hogwarts, young, nerdy, adorable Scorpius. Oh, Scorpius.

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that Anthony Boyle, the young actor portraying Scorpius Malfoy, carries the entire play on his shoulders, because he absolutely does. Luckily, they’re very capable shoulders. In a play where so many of the characters we know and love are frustratingly mischaracterised, Scorpius benefits greatly from his shiny newness, and from Boyle’s earnest portrayal of the Malfoy heir. His positivity, kindness, and enthusiasm is such that it charms your socks off before the first act has reached adolescence. Boyle is definitely a star in the making. Every moment Scorpius was off stage was a moment I spent wishing for his return. Sam Clemmett’s Albus was totally flat in comparison. He was woefully undefined and difficult to empathise with. As much as I don’t want to say it, Albus was just a badly-written jumble of white boy problems. This isn’t Clemmett’s fault, he’s a solid actor. Anthony Boyle was just given better material, and the father-son relationship between Scorpius and Draco becomes far more compelling than the one between Albus and Harry, even though the latter is explored in much greater detail.

In contrast to the story, the staging and special effects were marvellous. Raw genius went in to the planning and execution of the physical magic we’re treated to as we watch the story unfold. Characters change their outfits simply by twirling, grown men are sucked into telephone boxes, and Hermione has a very magical bookcase (as only Hermione would). In one particularly memorable scene, three characters transform into three completely different characters right there on stage, with no awkward shuffling beneath cloaks or sly sidles offstage to facilitate it, and I still have no idea how they did it. Even with minimal set pieces, comprised of a couple of beds, tables, suitcases and chairs, and two moving staircases that transported cast members around the stage at breakneck speed, the whole thing is a stunning spectacle. Jeremy Chernick and Jamie Harrison, the men behind illusions and special effects, were the real stars of this play.

The play is to be released in book form and I can’t endorse this, considering the only positives I took away from both performances were the staging and Anthony Boyle. There wasn’t any point where I felt like I was watching a play about a canon Harry Potter. It was an insincere experience. Ultimately, I’m disappointed and surprised that Jo Rowling could have put her name to such shoddy work. I’m sure that many disagree and that the play will continue to delight audiences for years to come, but my firm opinion is that Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is nothing more than a very pretty fanfiction, and you can find better fanfiction on the internet without costing yourself a fortune.

Sarah Weymes is an Irish girl living in England, where she can usually be found enthusing about bodily functions with her seven-year-old stepson. She enjoys Greek yogurt and murder mysteries, in that order. Check out her other reviews at All Men Must Drink Tea.

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