If Game of Thrones characters were in Hogwarts houses

Someone has sorted various Game of Thrones characters into different Hogwarts houses. Let’s discuss.

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Something wonderful has happened on the internet. The Grumpy Fish has uploaded a series of images showing which houses various Games of Thrones characters would be sorted into if they attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Sorting characters from popular shows into the Hogwarts Houses has always been a popular past time, but when you mix in the world of Westeros, where there are no “good” people as much as there are characters with varying shades of grey, you’re going to get into some serious disagreements of who belongs where. I feel like many of these characters would have caused massive Hatstall their first night at Hogwarts as the Sorting Hat considered carefully who belonged where.

Fandoms crossing…now.

Now, see: right off the back they’re getting some of these wrong. Thank God I’m here.

I agree with Jon, Arya, and Oberyn being in Gryffindor. They’ve all shown bravery and determination in the face of adversity. Unfortunately, they live in Westeros, where bravery isn’t always rewarded. To wit: Jon was killed by his own lieutenants, Arya’s blind, and Oberyn got his head caved in when trying to avenge his sister’s murder. In this world, the Slytherins win.

I could see Jaime being a Gryffindor, although he’s a little more aware that he’s living in a Slytherin’s world. I’d classify Theon as Hufflepuff, on account of his continued incompetence. We don’t know a ton about Asha, although her canny appeal to the Iron Islander’s weariness of war during the Kingsmoot in A Feast for Crows makes me think she might have the cunning of a Ravenclaw.

Speaking of Ravenclaw…of these six, only Sam clearly belongs here. We don’t know much about Shireen, but she’s a bookworm, so sure, she can stay. Tyrion has a wonderful brain, but he’s got some Slytherin-esque ambition in him, too. But then again, when on the chair, he might ask not to be in Slytherin, purely because that’s where most Lannisters get sorted, and we must never forget the Sorting Hat usually takes the wearer’s own requests into account.

Nothing about Catelyn or Sansa screams Ravenclaw to me. They’ve both shown cunning, sure, but they’ve also made their share of bone-headed moves. They’re closer to Hufflepuffs. And Melisandre…who can tell with that one? (She likes red. She’d probably yell at the Sorting Hat that she couldn’t possibly be anywhere but Gryffindor, due to her fashion sense.)

Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish may be the Slytherin to end all Slytherins. (Littlefinger versus Voldemort. My money’s on…Littlefinger.) Cersei’s also an obvious contender. Even if she’s not really smart enough to achieve her ambitions, this is clearly her house. Margaery’s a sly one who knows how to rise discreetly through the ranks. Those three I agree with.

The rest are all iffy. Renly had ambition, but he had to be talked into acting on it, and he didn’t have the self-awareness to realize how in over his head he was. I peg him as a Hufflepuff, manipulated by Slytherins. Daenerys is ambitious, but you get the idea she’s climbing the ladder at least in part because she wants to make the world a better place, rather than for its own sake. She might go in for Gryffindor.

Stannis is a tough one. I think he might reject any attempt at classification. He’d just rip that Sorting Hat right off his head, declare the whole thing a waste of time, and demand the Headmaster position that is his by rights.

This one’s pretty accurate, though if someone wanted to argue that Robb and Ned belong in Gryffindor, I’d listen. They are rather preoccupied with honor, but I can see the Hufflepuff argument. They both like to keep their noses to the grindstone and do right by their friends.

Brienne, Jorah, and Davos are all clear Hufflepuffs. They’re all extremely loyal (Brienne to Renly and Catelyn, Jorah to Daenerys, and Davos to Stannis), and they’re tireless in their efforts to serve them.

Bran’s an interesting one. Given the choice, I think he’d want to be a Gryffindor, but his paraplegia has forced him to live the life of the mind, ie become a Ravenclaw.

Next: Who is Godric Gryffindor? A brief history House Gryffindor

And now, to round it out, here are a few more Game of Thrones cast members and what houses they’d be in, because this show doesn’t lack for characters:

Varys: Ravenclaw—This savvy manipulator rose from the gutter to become one of the most influential people in King’s Landing. He trades in secrets and information. Like every good Ravenclaw, he knows that knowledge is power.
Podrick Payne: Huffpuff—Affable, friendly, and earnest, Pod is loyal to the bitter end, whether he’s serving Tyrion in King’s Landing or Brienne on the road.
Bronn: Slytherin—Bronn knows a good opportunity when he sees one. Sure, he can be fun to hang out with, but he’ll screw you over if he sees a chance to rise in the world.
Loras Tyrell: Gryffindor—He charges into battle to avenge his dead lover and is hungry for glory. Gryffindors don’t tend to do well on Game of Thrones, so don’t expect him to stick around for long.
Ramsay Bolton: None—Ramsay would attend Hogwarts only long enough to burn it down.

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