The hats of the 2017 Kentucky Derby seem rather subdued … for the ladies

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Although the Kentucky Derby lasted just over two minutes this year, you can spend more than that just looking at the hats everyone wore.

The Kentucky Derby had its 143rd running yesterday, with Always Dreaming taking the victory. With all that history comes some expectations on how you should dress for such an occasion. In fact, there’s even an official cocktail. (It’s the mint julep, naturally.) And with that code of dress comes a rule about the hats.

Per the official website, there’s no real requirement for hats. It’s just that they’re supposedly worn for luck above all else. However, who doesn’t want to spend a day wearing an excellent chapeau and looking at what everyone else decided to wear? That’s how yours truly would spend her time if she went to Churchill Downs for the day. Forget about the horse-racing. It’s all about the fashion, right?

But for those of us who didn’t get to see things unfold in person, there are always photos.

So, take a few minutes — more than the two that Always Dreaming took to run the one and a quarter mile track at Churchill Downs, hopefully — to bask in just some of the fabulous hats of this year’s Kentucky Derby.

"May 6, 2017; Louisville , KY, USA; Carrie Ketterman wears a derby hat before the 2017 Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. Mandatory Credit: Jamie Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports"

This hat gives me mixed feelings. On the one hand, it’s a pretty cool hat.

On the other hand, it is just a smaller-scale version of Audrey Hepburn’s Royal Ascot hat from the movie version of My Fair Lady. It even has the striped ribbon. She probably did not have to perform a gavotte, though. That’s just too British for a race that is preceded by “My Old Kentucky Home.”

"May 6, 2017; Louisville , KY, USA; A patron wears a derby hat before the 2017 Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. Mandatory Credit: Jamie Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports"

Roses are not much of a surprise as a theme or inspiration for this race, as they have been used since 1896. This hat at least keeps it to a respectable seven … assuming that we can see all of them in this photo.

"May 5, 2017; Louisville, KY, USA; A patron wears his derby hat during the 2017 Kentucky Oaks at Churchill Downs. Mandatory Credit: Jerry Lai-USA TODAY Sports"

You don’t even need to see what else this gentleman is wearing. That hat says it all. Somehow, he has become both the jockey and the horse! It also looks particularly soft and comfortable to wear. (Technically, this is from the Kentucky Oaks, which took place on May 5, but it’s just too good to pass up.)

"May 6, 2017; Louisville , KY, USA; Patrons wearing derby hats make their way to the infield before the 2017 Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. Mandatory Credit: Jamie Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports"

Dramatic, and with plenty of feathers. This hat is pretty standard in those regards, but it also seems like the front brim might be at a very strange angle. Look at the difference in height between the two opposite ends.

"May 6, 2017; Louisville , KY, USA; A man with his derby hat before the 2017 Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. Mandatory Credit: Mark Zerof-USA TODAY Sports"

This man’s beard game is stronger than his hat game, and that’s saying something when his hat has a toy horse on top of it! His hat even advertises a beard product, we assume. Not sure what the pink dyeing has to do with anything, but it’s pretty boss all the same. The plastic chain, on the other hand, confuses us.

Also, can we say that this takes the old flower crown trend to new heights? It’s a crown on top of a top hat with a horse in the middle. Step up your game, people who still wear flower crowns.

"May 6, 2017; Louisville , KY, USA; Skip Koepnick walks through the paddock wearing his derby hat before the 2017 Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. Mandatory Credit: Mark Zerof-USA TODAY Sports"

Do those horses spin around? That’s all we need to know.

Okay, we also need to know how this hat stays on his head, because it seems extremely top heavy and might have gone flying if he’d shaken his head too fast.

… For a third question, why are both of the horses wearing the rose garland, when that only goes to the winner of the race?

This hat is just too confusing.

"May 6, 2017; Louisville , KY, USA; Bridgette Brown looks out over the paddock area before the 2017 Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. Mandatory Credit: Jamie Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports"

It appears that this hat has the rare under-brim decoration for that added boost of drama (or it could be the hat of the person next to her, because perspective is hard). It seems strange that the flowers don’t coordinate with the ones on her dress.

"May 6, 2017; Louisville , KY, USA; A woman poses with her derby hat before the 2017 Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. Mandatory Credit: Mark Zerof-USA TODAY Sports"

Why have several fake roses when you could have one giant fake rose the size of your head? Really, it’s the most important question of our times. (Okay, not really, but seriously, look at how huge that thing is. No wonder there’s nothing on the other side. It would look comically unbalanced that way.)

"May 6, 2017; Louisville , KY, USA; General view of fans in the seating areas before the 2017 Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. Mandatory Credit: Jamie Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports"

An aerial view of some more hats. One wonders how people deal with having to give each other such wide berths with these chapeaus on.

"May 6, 2017; Louisville , KY, USA; Kathy Dreyer and Andrea Yorey wear their derby hats before the 2017 Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. Mandatory Credit: Jamie Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports"

That double brim effect on the left is mesmerizing, more so than the artfully arranged feathers on top. Meanwhile, it looks like the hat on the right may have suffered a bit in all of the rain in Kentucky yesterday.

Alas, the next round of horse-racing hats won’t come until May 20. That’s when the second part of the Triple Crown, the Preakness Stakes, will take place. However, the race’s official website also has some example hats to help tide you over. Meanwhile, the Belmont Stakes won’t be run until early June … and, if these photos are any indication, the hats won’t be quite as interesting anyway.

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Did you see any hats at this year’s Kentucky Derby that stood out to you?