Riverdale review: Another false alarm for the Midnight Club

The original Riverdale Midnight Club unveils yet another Gargoyle King, but it’s just another fakeout. This time, it’s with the parents.

I’m going to get to those crazy kids in just a bit, but first I want to talk about the original Riverdale Midnight Club, and the coolest parents ever. I always love an adult-centric episode, and “Chapter Forty-Seven: Bizzarodale” was just what we needed to help clear the palate after a wobbly last few episodes.

Every one of the members of the original Midnight Club receives a letter, summoning them to the scene of the first ascension night, to finish the game. Presumably because some of the parents are happy and living a well-adjusted life, the Gargoyle King is the killer of dreams (and extras, as we know).

This week, I’m more interested in what the grown-ups are up to, and I’m going to run down their hijinks in order of juiciest to most innocuous. Let’s start at the top:

Hermione and Gladys

Hermione is not turning into the clutch mob boss I was hoping she would be. While Hiram is convalescing, we thought she’d surely be the one to step up and get things done. Turns out, Hermione is more of a side stepper, handing off her problems to young Veronica. In a clandestine meeting with her daughter and her daughter’s hunky, but useless new beau, Hermione demands they make the reparations for the fizzle rock they burned. She does so by sliding a sheet of paper across a desk like she’s counter-offering a raise-request. It was not the baller move I wanted.

Of course Reggie and Veronica hatch some half-baked scheme, but when it all shakes out, it turns out that the one and only Gladys Jones is on the receiving end of the payout. Gina Gershon plays “cool girl” better than anyone I know, and she delivers the best line of the night when she realizes it’s Veronica and Reggie on the other end. She sighs, rolls her eyes, and utters, “Great. More teenagers.” Same, girl. Same.

Little does Hermione know, however, she’s opened the door for an actual boss to take up residence in Riverdale. Gladys, using her daughter Jellybean as leverage, already has FP (newly appointed sheriff, no less) in her pocket. She’s also already undercut Hiram on the prison business and now has Veronica working directly for her. Well done, lady. Well freaking done.

Tom and Sierra

While usually banished to the C and D plot, former-mayor Sierra McCoy and former-sheriff Tom Keller play a major role this week, if only to progress other plot points. Their impending nuptials (and steamy role-playing sex scene) causes the the fake Gargoyle King to come out of hiding because seeing them so happy is just the worst. (I can’t disagree with the fake Gargoyle King, here, folks.)

Before they ever step foot back in the high school to see the ascension night through, their wedding causes Cheryl to out Moose. Cheryl’s plan was ill-advised, and by announcing to the whole school that there’s a gay RROTC member, she exhibited terrible judgment and didn’t act much like an ally. Thank goodness it worked out okay, but I’m glad it opened the door for the conversation about when and where it’s okay to discuss someone else’s sexuality.

Their romance also is the catalyst for Moose’s father dressing up as the (fake) Gargoyle King, just so he could sabotage it. While Sierra thinks it’s because he’s always had a thing for her, it turns out, he really has a thing for Tom. His feelings caused his parents to send him to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy for the horrific conversion therapy, and consequently, he’s facing some troublesome recurrent psychological issues.

The fake GK doesn’t send his minions to haunt the parents, however; he sends them for Moose and Kevin as they’re post-sex canoodling. Apparently, there’s a full moon in Riverdale, because all the kids are getting it on, and their parents’ phone calls all catch them with their pants down. It’s the most action we’ve seen in a while, and I’m here for it all.

FP Jones

There’s not much to report on FP’s character development, aside from the potential Gladys’ return presents. She’s just pitched up in his trailer, Jellybean in tow, to announce she’s back on the scene for a while (see above for her villain’s plan to take over the town). Although Riverdale has been wildly stingy with any sort of FP/Alice stuff, this presents a real problem for Jughead’s parents.

To that end, now that Gladys has turned all-the-way heel, FP has some decisions to make about where his loyalties lie. He’s happy to see Gladys, clearly, but let’s see how far that goes when they’re facing off on opposites of the law.

Alice and Fred

There’s absolutely no sizzle between these two, but I lumped them together because they have equally little to do with anything on this week’s episode. Fred has the sum total of one line, uttering, “Let’s get after it,” when the rest of the group decides to resume their game of Gryphons and Gargoyles.

Alice is sequestered to The Farm and thus doesn’t have a chance to have any real impact in this week’s goings on, but Riverdale has her in its back pocket. She’ll get important soon enough, and it’s my prediction that cult-leader Edgar Evernever has a lot to do with who the real GK is.

What did you love/hate about this week’s Riverdale? Leave your opinions in the comments below or tweet me your thoughts.

Riverdale airs on The CW on Wednesday nights at 8 p.m. ET.