Under the Silver Lake review: Nothing but trash at the bottom

AFI Fest Review: Under the Silver Lake

Under the Silver Lake is a terribly rendered neo-noir that should stay buried at the bottom of the lake it was dredged up from.

With the arrival of fall comes #Noirvember, a month-long celebration of all things film noir on social media. And when we talk noir, that doesn’t mean the ’40s conception of the term, with its black-and-white cinematography. Neo-noirs, commonly seen in the ’90s, have their own cache as a film genre, with many imitators. Under the Silver Lake is the reason why you should accept no substitutes. David Robert Mitchell’s long-gestating follow-up to It Follows leaves you questioning whether the director should be working at all.

A dying squirrel looking at the screen pleadingly sets the tone for the two hour and twenty minute torture test audiences will endure. We’re introduced to goofy idiot Sam (Andrew Garfield at his scruffiest), a man who, in one of many unanswered questions, can afford a nice apartment in Silver Lake despite his day consisting of spying on his perpetually topless neighbor.

Under the Silver Lake (2018). Photo Credit: A24

He takes a shine to his new neighbor Sarah (Riley Keough), only for her to disappear the next day. What follows is Sam’s attempt to track Sarah down, following a series of secret “hobo codes” that leads to the biggest conspiracy in Los Angeles… or something.

Written and directed by Mitchell, Under the Silver Lake is either the smartest guy at the party or the person who accidentally showed up at the wrong event and is trying to make the best of a terrible situation. At time it feels like pages of a noir script were mixed up next to an ’80s sex comedy. Sarah stepping into the light as dramatic music swells is a perfect noir throwback yet is preceded by watching a dog crap on a patio. The mix of high and lowbrow makes little sense, as if Robert Mitchell watched Mulholland Drive and Inherent Vice and his biggest complaint was you couldn’t get stoned watching them.

Under the Silver Lake (2018). Photo Credit: A24

Once Sarah disappears, Sam immediately thinks something bad has happened. This in spite of the police who, smartly enough, chalk it up to “maybe she just didn’t like you.” As logical as that is after hearing from some rando that the girl he spent four hours with has gone missing, the script says that couldn’t possibly be true.

The backdrop of bizarre Hollywood parties involving balloon girls and a Classic Hollywood-inspired goth band could yield interest if they hadn’t been done in so many other L.A.-set movies. If everyone knows about the craziness of the party, when does it start to sound like an exaggeration?

Under the Silver Lake (2018). Photo Credit: A24

You can’t say Andrew Garfield rests on his laurels because this is a far cry from any of his previous work. He’s less Sam Spade and more Sam, the “nice guy” who claims he’s too plain to be a chick magnet and uses that to sleep with every woman he meets. His lizard people-esque obsession with conspiracies, in any other movie, would be cause for a special talk about mental illness, but here it makes him the smartest man in the room. And poor Riley Keough, who has so far established herself as a bright talent, is reduced to being the object for Sam’s quest, a piece of blonde property with no background or history, created on a script page for masturbation jokes.

In a bit of male fantasy, nearly every woman offers themselves up to Sam, leading to an abundance of female nudity so pervasive you’ll never want to go to the beach. And for all the male nudity in It Follows, David Robert Mitchell is so concerned with showing his leading man nude that even when the camera should capture it, it’s intentionally blurred out.

Under the Silver Lake (2018). Photo Credit: A24

On top of that, most of the film’s women are either poor dupes or moony-eyed space cadets whose motivations are perceived as dumb. The whole film becomes a trippy tale of male entitlement, yet never seems to perceive its own lead as equally privileged in a world where women are so obviously moronic.

I could go on about how terrible Under the Silver Lake is but I won’t give the film anymore words. Instead, I’ll pull a scene from the film directly to make my point.

While fighting with a rock star, Garfield’s Sam pulls the man off a toilet. The camera proceeds to look into the bowl to show us what’s inside. That’s what Under the Silver Lake is. A giant piece of gold-flaked poo that thinks it’s special when it should be flushed away. Holding this until June is too good. If A24 were smart, they’d put it on VOD and pretend the whole thing was a dream.