How The Haunting of Hill House’s funeral scene mirrored my own experience losing a parent

The Haunting of Hill House is a family gothic horror, and there is one scene in particular that illuminates the way death impacts a family in its aftermath.

The Haunting of Hill House is resonating deeply with fans and leaving people feeling haunted, not because of the scares and ghosts (even though it has many of those) but because of its exploration of trauma, loss, and grief shared in families.

While I rarely watch paranormal horror because it freaks me out too much, I couldn’t resist giving this show a try after all the great things I was hearing about it. And, as someone who lost a parent who was by all accounts still very young, I wanted to see how the show dealt with these themes.

There are some moments in the show that are like a punch to the gut because of their emotional reverberations and tonal choices. The Crain family struggles to deal with the death of their mother, who died under mysterious circumstances one night in their haunted house. Hill House follows the Crain children’s lives, jumping backwards and forwards in time as they deal with trauma, loss, addiction, anger, pain, and more.

The Haunting of Hill House production still. Photo: Steve Dietl/Netflix

Many families can relate to the themes explored in this well-crafted series. Even if you haven’t had a loved one in your immediate family die, the explorations of shame, secrets, and shared trauma in families apply in one way or another to almost every family I know.

While there is so much that could be said about the themes of the show and the metaphors to be analyzed, there was one scene in particular that struck me deeply. This scene, which is an extended one-shot that spans much of the episode, occurs in the sixth episode, “Two Storms.”

Now, in the first episode of the season, we learn that Nell, the youngest sister, returned to Hill House and killed herself there. In episode six, the Crain children are reunited with their estranged father as they sit together in the funeral home the night before Nell’s funeral. Nell’s body is shown in the casket, and she is a presence there with them. At times, she also appears in background shots as the Bent-Neck Lady ghost, imagery that is both terrifying and symbolic.

While the tragedy and horror of this scene are clear, what was so striking to me about it was how well it captured what it feels like to be at a funeral home with your family as you prepare to say goodbye. Funerals, and the preparations leading up to them, are a whirlwind and difficult to remember the details in the aftermath. Still many of the feelings remain qstrongongly even if the specifics are fuzzy.

Everything goes by so quickly but seeing this episode brought everything back. Hill House was able to capture this confusion and complexity with the camera techniques used, especially with the circling motions the camera makes as it moves around the Crains. I’ve found that very few films or television shows are able to capture what funerals or death really feels like, but Hill House hit the truth of it for me.

While of course, every situation is different, Hill House tapped into something that many people can relate to. The episode also dives into how people react differently to their grief. Some are angry like Steve and Shirley. Some try to drown out their sorrows by becoming numb like Theo. It’s not uncommon that you don’t really cry or process things until months or even years after.

The Haunting of Hill House season 1 production still. Photo: Steve Dietl/Netflix

When my father died when I was 20 years old, I remember the feelings of the night before the funeral and the night of the viewing very clearly.

I was living in college away from home when my dad died, so the first time the reality of the situation really hit me was when I saw my dad in his casket. Just like Steve on Hill House, that moment of seeing the body struck me hard and suddenly I couldn’t breathe well and had to steady myself. Seeing a very similar moment portrayed on screen was like a slap across the face, and I’m still sorting through how well the show captured the atmosphere of these moments.

The scene also touches on how even in the midst of a sudden traumatic death in the family, old traumas, grudges, and issues between other family members, and the dead family member can be brought to the foreground. The Crains bicker and reminisce in turn, and they are forced to confront their personal demons in this scene.

While not exactly cathartic, watching this season, and episode six in particular, was important to me because of how real it was. The show doesn’t shy away from the fact that we are all haunted by demons and ghosts, especially those of us with family secrets who have looked death in the face. For that, I am grateful for The Haunting of Hill House‘s raw honesty and the gravity with which it treats these topics.