John Oliver explains why Italy’s election matters on Last Week Tonight

John Oliver lays out all the reasons you should care about Italy’s election and its future prime minister in the latest episode of Last Week Tonight.

Italy is in a rough place. Yes, there is indeed an entire world out there, just in case you need John Oliver to remind you. And if you think the upcoming Italian election is a big deal only to Italians, think again. In reality, another country’s new leader could make big changes for everyone.

“Turmoil” is perhaps too gentle of a word to describe Italian politics. As Oliver pointed out, it’s currently on its 65th government in just over 70 years. Recently, political discourse there has been marked by protests, riot police, stabbings, beatings and a comedian turned politician.

That’s just politics, however. Italy is also in massive debt, second only to Greece. Anti-immigrant sentiment is rife, while fake news is becoming a more and more prominent issue there as time passes. According to Oliver, Italy is “dabbling in fascism”, which turned out, shall we say, poorly last time. Even a joke about Mussolini being the Hooch to Hitler’s Turner doesn’t quite settle the nauseous feeling in your stomach (nor should it).

“A large European country is teetering on the edge of chaos,” said Oliver. If things truly go end over end, that can have serious repercussions for the rest of the world. Just look at the results of the U.S. presidential election, if you need convincing. With Trump in charge, U.S. diplomacy has floundered, environmental efforts are shaky, and fewer people take the United States seriously anymore.

Check the video out below (with a warning for NSFW language):

How things currently stand

There are a few key figures to consider as the Italians prepare to vote for a new parliament and, eventually, a new prime minister.

There’s centrist PM Matteo Renzi, who resigned after a referendum blew up in his face. “Long live Italy, and good luck to us,” he said after announcing his departure. He also got booed on a 1990s episode of Italy’s version of Wheel of Fortune. Maybe this resignation isn’t the most humiliating thing to have ever happened to Renzi.

There is also the Five Star party, founded by foul-mouthed comedian Beppe Grillo, who has since stepped back from party leadership. In his place is 31-year-old Luigi Di Maio, who does stunts like indoor skydiving based on a pun about Italy flying to success.

Beyond that silliness, however, lie some real concerns about the Five Star party. It’s begun to develop a hard-line stance against immigration, for one. Additionally, Maio and his compatriots have also started to nurture an anti-vaccine sentiment. That’s pretty rough, considering Italy recently dealt with 5,000 cases of measles, which included four deaths.

The League

There’s always more room to the political spectrum, though. Move even farther right, and you’ll encounter The League. This ultra-conservative party is led by Matteo Salvini, who Oliver said has grown up into a truly poisonous politician.”

Salvini is, in short, a mess of sexism, racism, and generally alarming political positions. He has called for a “mass cleaning” with “strong methods”, which Oliver claimed, “sounds like a fascist Mary Poppins … so, basically, Mary Poppins”. Members of his party have also committed violent crimes against criminals, including shooting at some while wearing the Italian flag.

Some Italians are supportive of Salvini because he puts Italians first, in their view. Which means, naturally, that he and Trump have crossed paths. “Of course they’ve met! Of course, they have!” shouted Oliver. “I’m sorry, maybe you thought Trump would not pop up in this story? He’s truly the Forrest Gump of human misery”.

So far, the field of candidates is pretty rough, to say the least. Italy needs someone level-headed, then, with common sense ideas that also don’t drip with racism and sexist attitudes.

Italy’s next best answer is, uh, Silvio Berlusconi.

A Berlusconi primer

Does this man sound familiar, but not enough to make you wince at the memory? Oliver is here to help. It’s time to brush up on “one of history’s most ludicrous humans”.

Some of you may remember Berlusconi from news of his “Bunga Bunga” parties, which were essentially orgies full of strange costumes and underage girls. Responding to allegations that he paid a 17-year-old girl to be at one of these parties, Berlusconi said, “better to like girls than to be gay”. No one was asking about that, Silvio, and you didn’t exactly help your case.

His diplomacy is similarly awkward and inappropriate. He has referred to former U.S. President Barack Obama as “tanned”, for one. He also reportedly commented on German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s attractiveness in a spectacularly lewd fashion. When asked about it in an interview, he awkwardly paused and then said, “I have never insulted anybody, ever”.

It follows that he’s friends with Russian President Vladimir Putin. They’re close enough, in fact, that Berlusconi gave Putin a bedspread with the two of them shaking hands printed on it.

Berlusconi has tried to soften his image somewhat, including televised appearances with lambs and much bluster about Italy and Italians. Berlusconi also had a humongous toy volcano that made so much smoke that neighbors called the fire department. That’s not exactly head of state material, but at least it’s worth remembering.

Why Berlusconi shouldn’t even be here

“What is even more amazing about Berlusconi’s comeback is that Italy was done with him,” Oliver said. Berlusconi was convicted of tax fraud in 2013. As part of his punishment, the former prime minister was barred from public office for 6 years.

If you can muster the basic math, that means Berlusconi can’t actually run until 2019. Little matter, that — at the very least, Berlusconi hopes to get a center-right government into place.

It’s all pretty stressful, especially considering the fact that polls are thoroughly muddled. If there’s no outright winner, Italy could even go into a chaotic political limbo. With the current state of affairs, no one could sensibly want things to get worse, right?

Never say never, though. See, there’s a wildcard version that could spring up. Realistically speaking, it probably won’t, but we can always speculate. Essentially, the Italian government could potentially pick, in Oliver’s words, “some random jack*ss Italy has never heard of”. Furthermore, there is no explicit proviso that says non-citizens can’t run for Prime Minister.

A new proposal

Who else would step up, then, but John Oliver himself? “Bring me my lambo,” he said before briefly cradling a live lamb while listing his qualifications.

Not enough, you say? “Here is me on an old Italian game show,” he said, airing a clip wherein he guesses “fasta frimavera” on Wheel of Fortune, receiving multiple boos and a slap from the Italian host.

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“Why did I go to the trouble of faking a game show that I lost?” he asked. “It’s just who I am”.

While lighting up his own massive fake volcano (named “Mount Olivo”), Oliver seemed confident. “Incredibly, I am far from your worst option,” he reminded Italians. Given all of the other candidates currently in the race, Italy could indeed do far, far worse.