The Dark Tower finally released a trailer, and while there are some nice touches here and there, overall, it looks like it’s made for TV.
Basically, The Dark Tower released its trailer to appeal to the U.K. audience first. So when everyone woke up stateside, they found a nice surprise trailer and The Dark Tower trending on Twitter.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I’m not a Dark Tower fan. But I know my Stephen King and I know what’s important, like Matthew McConaughey’s Man in Black. For the most part, I watched the trailer with zero expectations and the hope that it would be a better fantasy Western than something like Cowboys & Aliens.
But it’s not. It looks as cool, as computer-generated and as flat as a film that came out more than several years ago. Check it out:
Of course, The Dark Tower has been plagued by delays for a while. Originally, it was meant for release in February. Plus, the idea first went into development practically a decade ago.
In this day and age, when dozens of films with the same look and feel speed past moviegoers at a thousand miles an hour, this film doesn’t stand out. At all. How can anyone tell the difference between this and Valerian? Well, this film has McConaughey and Idris Elba, right? People love those guys, right?
The Problem with the Stars …
Theoretically, maybe. Maybe they like their acting here and there.
But where are Idris Elba’s box office numbers? Oh, they’re right here, and prove that four out of five of his releases in 2016 featured him without even showing his face. Point being, he’s not a movie star. Because if he was, getting Bond wouldn’t be such a big deal, would it? Studios go to the money and guess who doesn’t bring in money, apparently.
I have a feeling The Dark Tower won’t do anything to change that.
Furthermore, let’s talk about Matt.
Again, same deal. Look at the numbers. Four films released in 2016, with two being voice-only. Have you seen those ‘meh’ Lincoln car commercials? He does them for a paycheck. Allegedly, he’s a Lincoln enthusiast, but you know, so is Dax Shepard. (Who cares?)
McConaughey’s best work of late is still True Detective, a role he slimmed down for and hasn’t really bounced back from since. Luckily, it makes his silhouette as the Man in Black even better. But on the flip side, it reminds everyone that he belongs on TV and not big blockbusters.
… And the Lackluster Visuals
So, I’ve already compared this movie to a couple other things, but if you really want to know what that tower reminds me of, I’d like to call upon Ralph. Wreck-It Ralph, that is. If you’ve seen the film, there’s a scene where Ralph finds himself in a video game, Hero’s Duty, and it also has a tower.
Unfortunately, The Dark Tower looks just like an animated Disney film. The visuals feel like the same level of quality.
Admittedly, the coolest part of the trailer was figuring out how many ways the Gunslinger could load his gun. Apart from that, I was just waiting for the video to end.
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I’m curious if this trailer hyped up fans, or anyone in general? Is this how people like their Stephen King? Let us know in the comments below!
The Dark Tower opens in theaters this August.