Unless you have no Super Bowl preparations to make and an entire day free on February 5th, you are faced with a difficult choice: Puppy Bowl, or Kitten Bowl?
The Puppy Bowl, of course.
Okay, okay! I’ll talk about it. The Puppy Bowl and the Kitten Bowl are coming up this weekend–they’re two alternatives or pre-games to the Super Bowl (depending on how much you like the big game itself). The Puppy Bowl has been around for years, hosted by Animal Planet, and begins at 3 p.m. ET, at which time it will play and replay for ten straight hours of puppy-related goofiness. The Kitten Bowl airs a bit earlier on Hallmark, and is a newer program–you also must catch it at 12 p.m. ET, as it won’t reair all day like the Puppy Bowl.
It’s easy for the question of “which is better?” to devolve into an argument over which are fundamentally better: Cats or Dogs, but given the amount of cat posts on this site, I think my colleagues would have some choice words for my answer to that. Furthermore, both events actually include the opposing animal in the half-time show! So instead, I’m going to look at each of the following factors to determine if the Puppy or Kitten Bowl is a better program before giving my overall verdict:
- Cuteness (of animals)
- Showmanship (of hosts)
- Viewing concerns (network, time, how easy it is to watch, etc)
Cuteness
Now, don’t get me wrong. I think puppies are the most adorable creatures on earth. But if you ever watch the Puppy Bowl or even just the highlight reel above, the main focus is on the puppies playing–running with toys, jumping on each other, and wrestling. While all this is cute, it can get rather repetitive after awhile, and it’s also often difficult to distinguish the puppies’ faces, which are (of course) the cutest part of the puppy. The camera loves the “sport” aspect of the Puppy Bowl, and while that certainly makes sense in context, after watching 30 minutes of tug of war and running circles, I start looking for something else on TV.
That said, the Puppy Bowl does include one huge draw the Kitten Bowl doesn’t: puppies sniffing and licking the camera. Kittens, true to their personalities, just don’t seem as interested.
In contrast, take a look at the Kitten Bowl highlight reel or recall Kitten Bowls of previous years. Whoever is running this show gives no craps whatsoever about the Kitten Bowl pretending to be an actual sport. They take the best shots of cats being cats, whether that’s playing with toys and running around like the puppies, or having no coordination, flopping around lazily, washing themselves, sleeping, or idly pawing at tails. The kittens of the Kitten Bowl express (on camera) a wider variety of adorable behavior than the puppies do. It doesn’t hurt that the kittens used in the Kitten Bowl are smaller and more baby-ish than the puppies of the Puppy Bowl, thus enhancing the cute factor.
Even as a dog person, I can’t deny that the Kitten Bowl is just flat-out cuter. The kittens win this round.
Dan holding Rory. Promotional Photo Provided By Animal Planet.
Showmanship
What hurts the puppies in cuteness is made up for in the showmanship category. The Puppy Bowl has been running longer than the Kitten Bowl, and thus has the advantage of experience in how to turn a bunch of baby animals goofing around into a parody of a sporting event. The commentary for the Puppy Bowl is always spot on, if a bit corny, and includes everything from MVPs to instant replays to an actual kiss cam, where they show puppies covering human faces in dog slobber.
Puppies oblige by actually giving the hosts something to comment on, pulling off touchdowns and fumbles akin enough to humans to have me laughing good-naturedly at the audacity of Animal Planet to might try to pass this off as a sport. Animal Planet does an excellent job of hiding cameras around the arena in toys, including a 360 view camera, to give its audience a great spot to watch each and every adorable play. Bonus points because they brought in Michelle Obama in 2014 to help the puppies “train” for the big game (no such luck this year).
“Kitten Bowl” is a feline catstravaganza presented in association with North Shore Animal League America (the nation’s largest no-kill shelter and animal adoption organization) and Last Hope Animal Rescue and Rehabilitation. Hosted by Beth Stern, TV personality and national spokesperson for North Shore Animal League America, “Kitten Bowl” is a star-studded lineup that includes legendary New York Yankees radio voice John Sterling and award-winning reporter, sports analyst and commentator Mary Carillo as “Kitten Bowl’s” official play-by-play announcer, and Boomer Esiason as the Feline Football League’s (FFL) Commissioner. Photo: Credit: Copyright 2017 Crown Media United States LLC/Photographer: Marc Lemoine
The Kitten Bowl is still young–this year will mark its fourth rendition, and in past years it has still been getting its sea legs. The commentary is, if possible, even cheesier, likely due to the fact that it is very hard to come up with engaging sports discussion for animals whose ball-handling skills involve batting things back and forth rather than running them from one end of a room to another.
Where the Puppy Bowl focuses on the single referee, Dan Schachner, for the majority of the hosting duties, the Kitten Bowl spreads the wealth. This year, they’re bringing in NPC sports reporter Mary Carillo, Yankees sportscaster John Sterling, and retired quarterback Boomber Esiason to assist Beth Stern, who in addition to her acting and modeling talents is a noted animal lover. The Kitten Bowl certainly has the talent, but I actually prefer the more focused approach of the Puppy Bowl here…even if Schachner’s bad puppy puns garner a wince once in awhile.
Maybell and Hope. Promotional Photo Provided By Animal Planet.
Viewing concerns
I have to give kudos to both the Puppy Bowl and the Kitty Bowl for providing a wealth of options to think about puppies and kitties leading up to their respective bowls. Both Animal Planet and Hallmark have, at different points, posted multiple videos of last year’s recaps and this year’s teams prepping for their events. Both networks host Live Cams that, while on and off at weird times, will allow you to catch all the cute, fuzzy fun behind the scenes as our furry friends prep for the big day. Everyone is also doing a fabulous job of promoting animal adoption, including portraits and info about adoptable animals and links and factoids about adoption.
While you can watch the live feeds of the Puppy and Kitten cams for free online and see highlights before and after the game, the events themselves will require cable television or another service such as DirecTV. Here, the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet boasts a distinct advantage: the service is also available via PlayStation Vue, which you can pick up a free trial for this weekend if you so choose. Animal Planet also plans to broadcast it on repeat for ten straight hours, whereas the Kitten Bowl appears to be a one-time deal.
The Puppy Bowl takes another win…so how do the two measure up?
Foster, Bebop, Daphne. Promotional Photo Provided By Animal Planet.
And the winner is…
Look, you really should just watch them both, okay? But if you needed to pick which one was better, I must give the Puppy Bowl the winning trophy here. While I think the Kitten Bowl holds the edge in cuteness, the Puppy Bowl has just been around longer. And thus, it already worked out a lot of the kinks involved with turning a bunch of doofy animals playing into a sport. It’s also that much more accessible for people to watch, especially on a time crunch or without expensive cable plans. All that said, I think with a few more years’ polish, the Kitten Bowl stands to overtake the Puppy Bowl in all three categories and come out the clear winner.
Related Story: Gloriously Delicious Super Bowl Party Snacks Totally Worth The Effort
But, seriously, just watch them both. We all probably need it right now.