Amazon To Negate the Convenience of Amazon with Physical Bookstore

Amazon’s newest venture, a brick and mortar bookstore, will open its doors in New York City later this year.

You know that feeling when you really want a new book, but you’re too busy- or, let’s face it, too lazy- to do a bunch of work to get it? You’re sure it’s probably at your local Barnes & Noble, but you don’t really feel like going out, and besides, you know it’ll be on Amazon by now, ready to ship and be on your doorstep in 2 days flat.

But wait! What if I told you that, soon, you could experience all the benefits of Amazon with approximately zero percent of the convenience and draw of Amazon?!?!? It’s not just a dream, folks; now, you can!

Starting next Spring, Amazon, most popular for offering almost everything in existence in one easy location on the internet and then shipping it to you (usually for free), will have a physical, brick and mortar bookstore for you to think about visiting but ultimately decide that Amazon OG will be the way to go.

It may be surprising to learn that, despite the incomprehensibility of this business venture, some of these stores already exist in Seattle (of course), San Diego (sounds about right), and Portland (obviously). But it’s true, and apparently, it’s going well enough that Amazon is willing to extend the kinda unneeded favor to the good people and bad tourists of New York City.

A spokesperson for Amazon announced in an email that the newest store will pop up inside the Shops at Columbus Circle. It’ll be a 4,000-square-foot space on the third floor, so not only will it be overwhelming, but it’ll be overwhelming on MULTIPLE LEVELS! IN A FAMOUSLY HUMAN-PACKED AREA OF AN ALREADY HUMAN-DENSE CITY!

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Thank you, Amazon, for making the wishes of precisely no one come true. I still love you enough to use your one, perfect service, though probably not so much that I’ll trust you with this new, weird thing. But I guess, just like on the second day of your Prime delivery window at 8 PM when you’re getting antsy and skeptical, we’ll just have to wait and see what happens!