They Alive, Dammit: What’s Next on AHS Roanoke?

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With just two episodes to go, American Horror Story: Roanoke continues to keep us in suspense and deftly offers few clues as to what we’re up against next.

Last week’s AHS was, as we say in the business, WA-WA-WA-WACKY!!! So many murders. So many confession. So many incredible moments and lines that highlight this season’s thesis of “Hollywood is kind of garbage, but you’re all still buying into it!” And here we are again- buying into it, HAPPILY! Because, you know what? If self-respect and my social dignity are the price I have to pay to keep watching Lady Gaga and Cher’s son run around the forest chasing Kathy Bates, consider my soul SOLD!

Courtesy: twitter.com/tinawargz

Will those tapes comes back to haunt Lee?

If you’ll remember, Lee took a moment in the midst of a family of inbreds turning her thigh into jerky and munchin’ on it to record a video for her young daughter, should she not live to see her again. In that video, she not only imparted wisdom and empowerment re: the girl’s future, but real quick decided to admit to her that she, in fact, murdered her ex-husband and Flora’s father in cold blood. Thnx, Mom! This murder was, up to that point, alleged; Shelby has accused Lee for kind of no reason except that she’s sort of a monster, and then the fake-TV-Internet took off with petitions begging to indict her. And now we know Shelby (ugh) and the Internet (YAY!) were right. But the fake-TV-general public doesn’t know yet, and Lee super duper wants to keep it that way.

She does mention, when she’s talking to the Polks, that she’ll use the videos they’re recording to reveal their crimes to the world. She ALSO casually mentions that North Carolina happens to have the death penalty. Which leads me to the obvious conclusion that- HYPOTHESIS TIME!- Lee’s tape will be found and she will, after all she’s survived, be sentenced to death. Which would make Audrey the sole survivor, after all! THANKS, HYPOTHETICAL RYAN MURPHY WHO ENDS THE SEASON JUST AS I WISH!

Courtesy: twitter.com/tinawargz

Who is Dylan?

Hey, quick q- who the f is Dylan? Remember how Audrey and Lee spent days and day fighting for their lives and then finally got back into the house only to try to leave the house again to try to steal the aforementioned tapes in an attempt to ensure that my prediction doesn’t come true and then right as they’re leaving the house there’s some shirtless dude outside and Audrey’s like “Dylan?” WHO IS DYLAN?!?!??

Follow-up questions: how does he know BOTH Lee and Audrey? Is he affiliated with either of the TV shows? Does he count toward the “everyone will die except one” thing? Also, is that Wes Bentley? Also, where is Lana Winters?! Wait, sorry, back to Dylan. WHO. IS. DY. LAN!!??

Courtesy: twitter.com/tinawargz

What in high holy Hell could possibly be coming next?

Confession time: I love this season. I think it’s high art. Unlike the last two, this season is incredibly self-aware, which makes the horror feel real without coming off as over-dramatic and the comedy feel inclusive instead of misplaced. The twists have not, thus far, been cheap. They haven’t even been THAT unpredictable, which is why it’s so impressive that despite our partial view of them from the beginning, they still manage to keep us interested and in suspense. So, now what? I’ve made predictions in the past. It feels likely that the last episode will be a follow-up “episode” of a TV special hosted by season 2’s Lana Winters, but how do we get there? Is everyone (relatively) safe at this point? Who will be the last one standing? Is there a twist even we don’t see coming? And, perhaps most importantly, who is Dylan?

Courtesy: twitter.com/tinawargz

To catch AHS: Roanoke’s penultimate episode, tune into FX at 10PM E.T. this Wednesday.