This is what watching superhero movies for one week taught me

Jennifer Lind-Westbrook

Marvel Studios' AVENGERS: ENDGAME. Photo: Marvel Studios

After realizing superhero movies are here to stay, I decided to give big screen adaptations of Marvel and DC characters a shot.

When it comes to comic book characters and both their big and small screen incarnations, I’ve never been a fangirl. Truthfully, I thought the whole comic/superhero movie genre was a fad, a trend, something people would abandon after a few years and move on to something else.

I also believed the same thing about jeggings, and apparently I’ve been wrong on both counts.

I didn’t just decide not to like these films. I will admit that I have only paid to see one on the big screen — The Dark Knight — but I’ve rented Spider-Man (the Tobey Maguire years) on DVD, streamed Jessica Jones or caught a random Thor here or there on cable and decided that trying to make sense of it all was an exercise in futility. So I gave them up cold turkey years ago (with a few sporadic and largely regrettable relapses).

Man of Steel (2013)

The character of Superman is like Coco Chanel — a classic. This made Man of Steel a logical starting point. I know the basics. A kid from the planet Krypton gets sent to Earth, is raised on a farm in Kansas, chats with his dead dad in the Fortress of Solitude, uses glasses as the worst disguise ever, works at a newspaper and spends most of his free time saving the world.

I was a six years old when the first Superman (1978) movie came out, and my best guess is my parents either dragged me to see it, or I caught it on TV years later.

Man of Steel has one undeniable thing going for it: the perfect male specimen who plays Clark Kent/Superman, Henry Cavill. I dig this brooding, searching, reluctant reimagining of the guy with the “S” on his chest. Little did I know it isn’t an S at all.

I like Man of Steel. It’s a great stand-alone movie about an alien who gets his powers from the Earth’s Sun, and who would be a regular Joe on his own planet (if it still existed). The less complex the storyline, the more likely I am not to lose interest.

There is something comforting about the black and white of good vs. evil. The world makes a little more sense when Superman defeats Zod (words I never in my entire life thought I would type). It is the purest, simplest theme to wrap a movie around.

Venom (2018)

Basing my film choices on the attractiveness of the leading man was my first mistake. I was eager to see Tom Hardy (The Dark Knight Rises) in a movie where his face isn’t covered. I didn’t know he spends most his on-screen time in Venom looking as if he’s going to puke.

That’s what happens when Eddie Brock’s (Hardy) body is overtaken by a parasite brought to Earth by a crazy billionaire trying to save the planet. And therein lies one of my major problems with superhero movies — the villains. They are either trying to destroy the planet, take over the planet or destroy humanity trying to shape our world into whatever perverse image suits their mood.

Halfway though Venom, I had to stop and double-check that it actually qualifies as a superhero movie since the creature Venom has nefarious intentions, likes to eat people and is sucking the life out of Brock. But then Venom has a change of whatever constitutes its heart, decides to defeat an even nastier parasite and remain on Earth … inside Eddie. As long as Venom gets to consume bad guys, Eddie lives and enjoys perks like speed and strength.

This is when I discovered not all Marvel movies are created equal. Venom isn’t part of the Infinity Saga and watching it wasn’t going to help me make much sense of anything Marvel related moving forward.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

My experience with Avengers: Age of Ultron proved to be a learning experience on many fronts. It’s the first time I figured out Stan Lee made Hitchcockian appearances in his own movies, meaning these are Marvel characters.

That’s right. I knew some of the players, but I had zero idea what team they played for. Yes, I did recognize Lee, and I’m not sure how other than luck and The Big Bang Theory.

I also regretted a previous decision made months earlier to DVR The Avengers, watch roughly half and then delete the rest, assuming I’d never try again. I searched high and low, exhausted all of my limited resources, but I would have to dish out cash to complete the first Avengers. So I decided to wing it.

I had high hopes missing the first movie wouldn’t greatly impede my ability to enjoy this one. They had me until introducing Vision, and then it all fell apart right there. You have to learn two plus two equals four before you can tackle trigonometry.

This is also when I had the revelation I couldn’t just watch the Avengers films. Every single phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe includes movies that tie into one another, forming a complex web that would do Spider-Man proud.

I knew I was really in over my head, and then I got mad. What a racket! I would have to sit though 10 movies to have a shot at walking away from Avengers: Age of Ultron without my head exploding.

The exclusivity of it all infuriated me. At least George Lucas numbered Star Wars, meaning if you can count, you’ve got a good road map to follow.

There are a ton of franchises out there that are meant to be watched in a particular order. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King doesn’t make much sense if you haven’t seen The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers. Three is one thing, but 10 is just … insane. This isn’t a franchise, this is a way of life.

I refused to let this beat me, so I did the next best thing, I got even. I turned to DC.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

I think Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice raises some interesting fictitious questions about the ethical, moral and political questions surrounding make-believe metahumans. The aggro male behavior between Batman and Superman is not entirely unexpected if not completely hypocritical. Each hates the other for basically doing the same thing.

I’m not going to hate on Ben Affleck as a bloated, over-the-hill Bruce Wayne. Taking on that role is a thankless task (much like hosting the Oscars) after Christian Bale. Yes, I’ve seen Batman Begins, The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises more times than I can count. I guess I like my superhero movies how I like my coffee — dark and disguised as something else.

I will point out that having a smoke show like Diane Lane (Unfaithful) play Superman’s mother is a travesty, but that’s a rant for another day.

Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network ) does his part in dragging the whole thing down with his interpretation of Lex Luthor, but the death knell is the ridiculous Doomsday, a villain whom Superman defeats but dies in the process of doing so.

Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman together in one movie should be as appealing as a Double Stuf Oreo, but not only did this movie leave a bad taste in my mouth, it’s a perfect example of why I steer clear of these films.

Killing off the poster child for Truth, Justice, and the American Way is the ultimate act of cynicism, and aren’t these movies supposed to be the antidote for what ails the downtrodden, the outcasts and the pessimists?

Wonder Woman (2017)

At long last, the DC Universe gives us Wonder Woman A hit movie with a woman as the central character and helmed by a female director, Patty Jenkins. Women in this genre are often relegated to the role of girl Friday: the always-reliable gal who helps get the guy in the funny suit out of a sticky situation. Black Widow is an obvious exception, but her solo movie won’t be released until 2020.

As much as Gal Gadot (Wonder Woman 1984) rocks it as Diana Prince, the character is less charismatic than I had hoped. Her humor is unintentional, and while I wouldn’t describe her as dour, she’s not exactly the life of the party either. The Amazonians possess many gifts, but apparently an appreciation for sarcasm or a good joke isn’t on the list.

There’s some stuff we’ve seen before, primarily crazy Nazi scientists, but the addition of the God of War is a nice touch, especially since we’re not entirely sure Diana isn’t just a little bit nuts holding him accountable for World War II.

The obsession with the shot of Gadot’s jiggling thigh by those who praise the movie for not catering to the male gaze is hopefully a discussion we won’t have again in the future.

Like any woman who lives in complete seclusion with only a bunch of other women, Diana is understandably disappointed by the mankind’s flaws, but like all of us girls, she figures out to take the good with the bad. I am all about female empowerment and equal gender representation, but Wonder Woman does need to lighten up.

Justice League (2017)

Obviously the saying that less is more doesn’t apply to comic book/superhero movies. I’ve learned bigger is supposed to be better and the more is, indeed, the merrier. Sadly, these tactics don’t necessarily guarantee a good movie. Justice League isn’t an entirely unfortunate film, but its lows outweigh the highs.

Please don’t stick Aquaman in a movie where the climactic scene takes place in an area that is landlocked. I’m savvy enough to understand Justice League partially served as a very long promo for Jason Momoa as the hip “King of Atlantis” (lusted after by soccer moms everywhere).

Justice League also introduces the Flash (Ezra Miller) and Cyborg (Ray Fisher), and unlike The Avengers, their abbreviated origin stories don’t impact the plot.

This is a good place to confess that when it comes to the storylines of movies based on comics, my brain is not capable of holding on to much information for very long. It’s almost as if I’m Eternal Sunshine-ing characters, events, etc. as they happen. This puts me at a definite disadvantage when studios are counting on audiences to watch each film and every franchise as many times as often as possible in order to be prepared for the next installment.

I don’t believe my brain’s attempts to discard this information is indicative of anything more than self-preservation. It’s got nothing to do with gender because I know many women (and their daughters) who love these movies. I also don’t blame it on age although I do believe Millennials have an advantage since they’ve practically been weaned on this stuff while John Hughes (Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club) is more my speed.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Praise be to Thor of Asgard (Chris Hemsworth). I probably saw Thor (2011) within the first few years of its release (just once). I skipped Thor: The Dark World altogether, but luckily I limped my way through half of The Avengers, so I had a general understanding of Thor’s dysfunctional family dynamics when it came to Thor: Ragnarok.

For once, I had an advantage. Not only had I watched Avengers: Age of Ultron, but Thor gives a brief rundown of his comings and goings in the first couple of minutes of the movie. If only every Marvel film would start with a short, snappy, succinct synopsis. This would make things so much easier.

I get Thor. Maybe it’s because I was an English major, and there are some very Shakespearean influences evident when it comes to the relationship between Odin and his two sons. It doesn’t hurt that Thor maintains his sense of humor even under the most dire of circumstances either.

The plot of this one is easy to follow because even in alternate dimensions, somebody either wants what you have or wishes to destroy it. It’s possible my affection for Thor relies solely on Hemsworth, or Justice League just wore me down.

I enjoy Thor much more when he’s not sharing the spotlight — too many cooks and all that. I find myself calling upon this phrase often, and I think it’s in response to our constant, compulsive need to be distracted.

If I have one complaint, it’s the appearance of Dr. Strange. I had no idea if I should know who this guy was, or if his cameo meant an upcoming onslaught of movies at the multiplex I would never watch.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

There isn’t much not to like about Guardians of the Galaxy. Chris Pratt as Peter “Star-Lord Quill is as charismatic as ever. He’s kind of the poor man’s Han Solo. He has great chemistry with Zoe Saldana who is covered with green body paint instead of Avatar blue.

By the time my journey led me to Guardians of the Galaxy, I had a vague recollection of something called Infinity Stones, and the name Thanos was familiar even though I couldn’t pinpoint the source. But what I really like about this Marvel movie is it doesn’t matter.

I struggle keeping the villains –Yondu, Ronan and Thanos — straight, confusing Ronan with the Robert De Niro movie, Ronin. I also now find myself referring to “Xandar” as “Xanax,” but that may simply be wishful thinking.

I recall a crash course about Infinity Stones, but you could seriously Clockwork Orange my eyes open and force me to watch every Marvel movie, and I still wouldn’t fully grasp all the details about those darn colored rocks.

Between Thor: Ragnarok and Guardians of the Galaxy, I found the frost between myself and Marvel thawing. Watching these movies didn’t feel like a job. I could check my phone and not miss some integral piece of information that forced me to rewind the movie (it took me four hours to finish Avengers: Age of Ultron for this very reason).

As Russell Crowe says in Gladiator, “Are you not entertained?” Yes, I am.

Black Panther (2018)

Vibranium. If I had to recap Black Panther in one word, it would be vibranium. This stuff is a big deal. It’s so valuable the people of Wakanda are reluctant to share it. I also, briefly and mistakenly, believed it was the metal that comprised Thor’s Hammer (before his sister smashed it to bits).

Black Panther is a good movie. The e special effects are impressive, but to be fair, the one constant about movies adapted from comic books are good special effects. It’s kind of the hill they live and die on.

The cast is great. I love that the guy who plays Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) in The Hobbit turns out to be a kick- ass pilot. The women are spies, political leaders and warriors. The best thing about Black Panther is T’Challa’s (Chadwick Boseman) realization that it’s a moral imperative to help those in need.

Americans in particular have a very “I’ve got mine” mentality. Our failure to understand it’s better for society and the country as a whole when everyone does well. The disconnect between the haves and the have nots is the catalyst for our biggest problems, ranging from income disparity to exorbitant healthcare costs.

This makes Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan) an interesting villain because the driving force behind his actions is an admirable one. It’s just his execution that really sucks.

I have no idea how much comic books embrace ethnic diversity, but what I can say is I see a whole lot of white fellas in funny suits and not much else (again, exclusivity).Hopefully, Black Panther’s success changes that.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

Captain America: The Winter Soldier came highly recommended to me by a friend. Were it not for his insistence that this is one of the best movies out of the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe, I wouldn’t have bothered.

I have no skin in the game when it comes to any of the Avengers, but if I had to choose one to lose it would be Captain, “Steve Rogers,” America … or it would have been until I saw The Winter Soldier.

Thanks to the numerous YouTube videos offering tutorials regarding everything Marvel, I got the CliffsNotes version of Captain America’s backstory. Most importantly I learned the origin of S.H.I.E.L.D., the importance of Tony Stark’s father and how Captain America gets his vibranium shield.

The Winter Soldier plays out like Jason Bourne movie (both guys are created by the government and betrayed by some kind of top secret, shadowy special ops organization) except he doesn’t have sex with Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), he’s got a cool friend named Falcon (Anthony Mackie) who can fly and his bestie is a brainwashed assassin.

I have to admit, I wish I’d looked to YouTube for answers much sooner because knowing what the heck is going can make some of these movies not just tolerable but enjoyable. I stand by my assertion that Marvel feels a bit like a bully trying to take my lunch money in order to keep digging its rabbit hole deeper and deeper — 22 movies and counting. There aren’t enough pills in the world to get me to follow that white rabbit.

The DC Extended Universe is far less daunting, but DC comic characters are killing it on the small screen. I know because I fast forward through the promos while watching Riverdale.

There is an undeniable commonality between all of these movies: there are sinister forces at work in this universe, but if you’re basically a good person, show kindness to others and believe in yourself, you’ll be okay. It doesn’t hurt if you happen to get bitten by a radioactive spider along the way.

As for me and my experiment: I came, I saw, I did better than I thought I would. It’s time to tackle a new project. I’ve got my eye on something fast and furious.

Which comic book character do you think deserves a movie? Let us know in the comments section below.

Jennifer Lind-Westbrook

Jennifer is a freelance writer who is still mourning the cancellation of Happy Endings. Her current obsessions include Killing Eve, The Handmaid's Tale, Pamela Adlon, the "Hot Priest" and Crooked Media. She will always and forever think season 3 of Twin Peaks was a wasted chunk of her life she'll never get back.