23 National Nightmares We’ve Already Overcome

5 of 24

Courtesy: myspace.com

#20: MySpace

Hey, Tom? Buddy? You out there? If you happen to be reading this, I have just a real quick Q in need of an A: WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US?

You created a beautiful, angsty world wherein 12-year-olds reigned supreme. We spent hours perusing layouts. Our About Me’s were the only things we could count on to remain steadfast and reconnect us to ourselves amid our tumultuous, ever-changing teenaged lives. Do you have any idea how long it took us to make sure we were accounting for our each and every friend when adding their initials to our bios? Do you even know what it’s like to painstakingly select the song you want to have blasting through the speakers of your every page visitor against their will? FALL OUT BOY HAD A LOT OF SONGS!!!!! And the Top 8. Tom. The Top 8. How DARE you? I don’t know what it’s like in your little privilege bubble, but I had to fight HARD to earn my place in friends’ Top 8s. I broke hearts. I got betrayed. But you know what? I learned so much about myself, as a person legally too young to see PG-13 movies alone. I learned, and I GREW.

So, Tom, shame on you for creating this world and then ripping it away from us before we even had the chance to post a bulletin about it. But also, thank you. For preparing us for the harrowing world of social media to come, and for teaching us to move on. And most importantly, Tom: thank you for bein’ a friend. Except like get out of my Top 8 I don’t even know you IRL, bro.