23 National Nightmares We’ve Already Overcome

20 of 24

Courtesy: New Line Cinema and HBO Films

#5: Sex and the City 2

Sex and the City is the greatest show that is actually a burning trash heap in disguise that we have. I love it. It’s hysterical. It makes me cry. It makes me love women. It makes me want to never speak to a woman again. It’s a nightmare. It’s my greatest dream. And, despite the glorious mediocrity of the series, the first movie was actually very great. Not just “great for a disaster,” but a genuinely entertaining, semi-successful TV-to-film transfer. But the second one. Oh, dear holy Lord up above, the second one. There is so much about the second one that I truly cannot even begin to describe unless you’ve seen it and can understand its absurdity on a chemical, cellular level. So I’ll just provide you with the following list of actual 100% real things that happen in the 2 hours and 27 minutes of pure horrifying bliss:

-Liza Minnelli sings “Single Ladies” backed by a gay man’s chorus.

-The 4 women, famous New York icons, almost immediately leave New York to go on an all expenses paid trip to Abu Dhabi, for…some reason, and it’s very important that we know Samantha is battling menopause, for some other reason. She puts yams on her face.

-Samantha yells, “Lawrence of my labia!”

-Miranda yells, “Abu Dhabi doo!”

-They ride camels.

-Carrie runs into her ex-boyfriend in a spice market. In Abu Dhabi. Where they actually are.

-They sing karaoke to “I Am Woman.” They are bad, but it is amazing.

I’m not trying to be dramatic, but for at least 3 years after this movie’s release, when we talked about our troubles in the Middle East, I was certain this is where the conversation would end up.